I understand. I am always thinking of his feelings and trying not to hurt him. Meanwhile, he hurts my feelings at the drop of a dime and shows no remorse. This attachment that we have we people like this is called a trauma bond. Listen to podcasts and read about it. I’m still learning about all of this, but now I see it. Knowledge is power and will help you get away from this. You have a right to be happy.

Thank you. I will give that a listen. Honestly it is so difficult to work on myself when the focus is all him and his problems. It is exhausting. Now that the weather is better I am enjoying my wonderful hobbies and about to start my busy season at my job which I love. Both of these things will take me out of this apartment and away from him. I really just want some peace. And laughs. Have a hearing before the judge on the 17th. Am sure that will bring more pain and hurt. For both of us. I keep thinking...just get the divorce. Follow through. Hoping once that's over that moving on will be easier. Hope that's the case. Sometimes I think I am stuck here til he gets better. Healthier. For now I don't see that happening. Guilt sucks. And you are correct. He had/has no problem hurting me. No problem LEAVING me. Twice. Yet here I am. It's sick.