I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in exactly the same boat. All I can say is please seek therapy and work on yourself. It’s what I have been doing. I needed to recognises that I did not know what healthy love looks like, therefore I mistreated my husband because of my childhood trauma. Working on finding out what this is and why it shows up your life as an adult. It is the only way to change behavior patterns and find healthy love. Wish you all the best. You deserve it, try not to beat yourself up