OMG! I am so sorry! What is wrong with men? Seriously? All the pain they cause us and then, they expect us to take them back with open arms and expect as if nothing happened. Inconsiderate and selfish and pure testosterone. Listen, I know I have my faults, however, it seems the only time he is around is when times are good but, it we (women) show a bit of emotion, boom, they run. He is right now, happily, at his parents house without caring about my medical situation and trouble at work. He is waiting for me to drive the 50 miles, knock on his parents door, and beg him , on my knees, to come HOME. He is a grown ass man and so am I; it feels like junior high. My brother was disgusted when I told him this.

I'm sorry you're going through that and I have to say he certainly isn't much of a man for doing that to you. It may not seem like it now but you're much better off without him; all that cheating on you, he could very well have an STD. Do you belong to a Bible teaching church? Some churches have therapy groups for people going through divorce.
A former co-worker of mine was married to a rotten pig that was always putting her down I think even in front of their 3 young daughters and announced on Mother's Day that he wanted a divorce. And this was AFTER she had put in hard work to help his campaign that he unfortunately won.

I'm sorry, that does sounds like a very rough year. I'm separated from my husband who turned out to be a narcissist. He hid his true self until we were married and had a child. There were definitely red flags I ignored, but I never knew how bad it could get. I finally decided to move out when he hit my daughter (10 yrs old) from a previous marriage. I hope she forgives me one day for putting her in a situation where she was scared everyday. I'm also on anxiety and antidepressant medication just to function. With work and kids and divorce and moving, sometimes I feel like I'm treading water and barely surviving. For your situation, it sounds like you'll be much better off without him. Trust is so important in a marriage, and I could never trust my husband. Even when I look back, I realize that even our marriage was never a real commitment to him. When he said "I do" it was really "I do (for now)"... When he started accusing me of cheating on him for no apparent reason, I'm pretty sure it's because he was being unfaithful. The biggest thing I'm doing to cope right now, outside of the medication, is just giving myself grace. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You'll be ok. Don't let his decisions or perception of you determine your worth. You determine your worth. You're special. You're enough...