I'm sorry, that does sounds like a very rough year. I'm separated from my husband who turned out to be a narcissist. He hid his true self until we were married and had a child. There were definitely red flags I ignored, but I never knew how bad it could get. I finally decided to move out when he hit my daughter (10 yrs old) from a previous marriage. I hope she forgives me one day for putting her in a situation where she was scared everyday. I'm also on anxiety and antidepressant medication just to function. With work and kids and divorce and moving, sometimes I feel like I'm treading water and barely surviving. For your situation, it sounds like you'll be much better off without him. Trust is so important in a marriage, and I could never trust my husband. Even when I look back, I realize that even our marriage was never a real commitment to him. When he said "I do" it was really "I do (for now)"... When he started accusing me of cheating on him for no apparent reason, I'm pretty sure it's because he was being unfaithful. The biggest thing I'm doing to cope right now, outside of the medication, is just giving myself grace. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You'll be ok. Don't let his decisions or perception of you determine your worth. You determine your worth. You're special. You're enough...