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A little over a month ago my husband and I got in an argument and he said he was done with the marriage. At first he said he needed space and that he was just mentally exhausted and depressed and couldn’t do it anymore, that he now had to put his health and himself first.
We have been married 6 years and have two girls, one that just turned 6 months. I didn’t realize how much resentment he had built up towards me, we he expressed is due to him allowing me to control things too much and him not being happy with where he is in life, feeling lost and wanting to just break free. I feel like the past two years he’s always had one foot out the door, every argument we would have he would threaten to leave. We argued about mistrust and things that were never resolved. But we loved each other very much and for me I would always be willing to work through anything with him. I guess for him he doesn’t feel that way and feels he has already tried too many times and doesn’t feel like I’ve changed. He feels I wasn’t there for him when he was depressed and said he was suicidal last year around this time. But no matter how much I apologize and explain I didn’t understand the depth of it or even understand depression, he resents me for it. He lost his mother this past October and then I found messages between him and another female. They were talking very frequently even though it was mainly about work projects there were still some statements made that were disrespectful to our marriage. And after I found out about it he was at first apologetic but then angry saying well you have not been there for me and now you know how it feels to be disrespected ( although I’ve never ever stepped out of our marriage like that but he believes in his head I did).
Since January we’ve tried to start again, I’ve even suggested therapy but I noticed him being more cold and less tolerant and patient, he doesn’t feel like he wants to put in that type of effort because he already tried too many times. The past few months he’s just been pushing and pushing me. Until he finally said we’re done at the end of march. And it’s been an emotional roller coaster. His mental health has now affected mine bc I’ve just been worried about him and not wanting to lose him instead of taking care of myself. And he would be caring one minute then be cruel and cold the next. We have two girls together and not once has be thought about how it’s affecting them. I know he needs to get his mental health under control but I’ve been beating myself up bc he blames me for everything. I’ve had to take care of the girls by myself while he’s away back to his hometown for two weeks to try to heal himself. It took him a week to call the girls and while he’s been away I noticed him partying and hanging around other females.
I honestly feel so betrayed and broken. I kept trying to keep our family together but I know now it’s times to except what has happened and try to move forward. I’ve been having anxiety attacks and feeling like I can’t get myself together l. Thankfully my family has stepped in to help with the girls but i feel so helpless and disappointed in myself that I let it affect me this bad. I hate this feeling, I wish I could just stop it and refocus but we have a house together that we have to sell and two girls to care for. I feel like he just wants to start his new life single and being a professional dancer traveling the world while we’re just left behind in the dust.
How have you dealt with anxiety? I feel out of control sometimes.
My husband and I have have just seperated after 25 yrs, there appears to be no other woman and all our friends say he is going through a mental breakdown. You know what I have been a mess and too have suffered anxiety attacks but I have come to realize that if he can't support me through these bad time he will not get to support me through any other. My kids who thankfully are ayoung adults but it hasn't been easier on them have been my rock. You realize who your friends and support are through these hard times and you are worth more and are so much better than what he is putting you through.
I sometimes feel guilty that I am not there to care for him and support him through his mental breakdown or depression that he seems to be suffering but as harsh as it sounds I have had to be there for my children through all this where as he has not and he chose this harsh to decision to end our marriage without any discussionw what so ever.
You are stronger and worth so much more than what you are going through now xx
Both of your stories resonate with me. 6 weeks ago, my husband also told me he wants a divorce from our 18 years together. I believe he has been depressed for a long time and hasn't felt a sense of purpose or masculinity. Every reason he gave for divorce completely demonized me. Even though all of us ladies know we have held our families together and are willing to work on our marriages, we cannot because our partners are unwilling. It causes such self doubt, feelings of low self worth, and a loss of control. I am trying to remember that it takes two to fix a marriage. I am trying to get out of my head and trying to read his mind. I am trying not to read into every behavior to see something that isn't there. I am trying not to hope. It is day by day on this emotional roller coaster. I am reading "No one Ever Dies From Divorce " and it is helping me to understand my emotions. Hang in there ladies. We will get through this and be stronger on the other side. THIS i can hope for.
You’re doing great sweetie. Keep breathing
How are you doing sending hugs