My husband was laid off in Marxh of 2020. I've literally supported us 100% since then. He has no problem giving money to his family; but complains if one of our adult children asks for a loan. I want him to leave, but he cant afford to go anywhere. And he keeps threatening suicide. He is so kind to his brother's family, but is horrible to our adult children. I'm going crazy. If i leave, I'm afraid he'll kill himself. If I stay, I'll die inside.
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
It sounds like he has family, so he isn't completely alone.
you are entitled to take care of yourself. Get an attorney and look at your options and what a divorce would mean for you or a separation.
you can divorce him but don't have to completely abandon him. Can you get him help? Does he need counseling? medication? Do you think he is really suicidal or is he just threatening to get a reaction from you?
Get counseling for yourself. Just because he acts a certain way doesn't mean you have to give him the power to control you or control everything that goes on in your home. Set some expectations, boundaries and stick to them. Make sure you have support/activities outside of the home without him.
Sorry he's putting you through this. My advice is to seek therapy and get help with understanding you are not responsible for what he is threatening. You should not stay in an unhealthy and unhappy situation as toxic as this is. He is manipulating you and that is not okay. Plan your exit with a lawyer and a therapist. You cannot control what he does to himself but I would bet it's more talk to keep you trapped and remember he is not concerned with how he treats you or your kids. Focus on your needs and your kids, it's amazing how much lightee you'll feel when you dump the dead weight he's put into you. As women we tend to put others first and that can be taken advantage of unfortunately by the very person we thought we could trust.
Consider taking more control of your finances. If you are the only one working, why is he deciding who to lend money to? I also think the fact that he’s unemployed is the key to his depression—he’s lost his purpose. While it’s important to take care of you, helping him get a job will help his self esteem, lighten your load and ensure you’re not on the hook for spousal support.