It is overwhelming, like you I am initiating the divorce but have to keep telling myself it’s the right thing to do. If I back down now I will only be in the same place in six months time.
For me trying to get a plan and timeline in place is proving helpful, it gives stature and I know what I need to focus on. Doesn’t help with the emotional side of things but I can’t see dragging this out will be better for anyone
Kim, I just gave myself a list of the steps involved before coming on here and reading this. It’s overwhelming because, for most of us, it’s uncharted territory, full of uncertainty and what if’s. And as we proceed, there are bound to be legal hurdles to overcome, and new roadblocks we weren’t aware of.
In my case, there’s no possibility of reconciliation, because of the area he insisted on living in, despite my objections, as well as his awful angry mood swings. The longer I’ve stayed stuck like this, the more I feel like my spirit is dying and that I’m wasting what’s left of my life.
He told me that I’d get much more money from his inheritance if I stayed with him than I could from a divorce settlement. But what kind of way is that to live?? To just miserably exist while biding my time waiting for him to die?! Who does that, or brings up such a depressing morbid idea?!?
I'm in exactly the same situation. I've initiated the divorce after 20 years together. We'd already separated a couple of years ago and tried to make it work again but sadly it hasn't. We're still living in the same house and it makes it so much more difficult! Constantly thinking is this a mistake but like you, I feel we would be in the same position in 6 months/1 year. I just have to keep thinking that once this process is all over, things will get better. I'm trying to concentrate on each thing I need to do now, just one day at a time and some days are always better than others!! Keep your head up and hopefully things will improve!
My biggest step will be moving my stuff out and driving the moving truck several states away. Our hearing is coming up soon, uncontested, self represented, each of us. I don’t wish to stay where I live at all, and it’s easy for my husband because he’s staying and I’m leaving our pet with him.
I can’t wait to get a fresh start.
If you initiated the divorce, you had reasons why. Remind yourself of them when you feel like you're maybe making a mistake. Be honest with yourself. I was in denial my whole marriage about how bad it's been, but now, I can see it so well. Maybe even write down the reasons you want the divorce and then in another column, the things that are making you think it's a mistake, and really weigh them.
For me, I keep thinking of this one time when my husband and I were trying to sell at our failing business, and we were outside, and it was hot and there were bugs, and my husband as usual was all into his phone and ignoring me, and I had thought, is this going to be my life? Every time I think I am sad it's ending, I realize if I could somehow convince him not to leave, we'd just be right there again. And I could not take it. So, maybe think of a time when you were so miserable you thought you'd be better not in the marriage, and then remind yourself of that when you feel any doubt.