Because it’s stupid that your husband has changed & it's confusing. I mean, how can someone who made vows to you get in to a relationship with someone else in such a short amount of time? I think he’s a loser & I pray that you will get past and over this quickly and that you’ll live your best life ever having grown stronger & being able to identify how you have been wronged by him & to never let that happen again.

Attachment and connection are hard to move past - regardless of your interest to continue the relationship. I can imagine you feel betrayal and are grieving that what was once there for you may now be given to someone else.

I can relate to this, and know it feels silly - but I assure you it is not.

Attachment and connection are hard to move past - regardless of your interest to continue the relationship. I can imagine you feel betrayal and are grieving that what was once there for you may now be given to someone else.

I can relate to this, and know it feels silly - but I assure you it is not.

It hasn’t even been two months since my husband and I separated and he’s in what he is calling a serious relationship. I just found out yesterday and my world is rocked. I feel like this has to be a joke

Sorry. Men suck.

It's stupid and disrespectful he told you, and now you can put another thing on your list of why you shouldn't be with him. I mean, if he cared for you at all, he wouldn't share something like that so soon that could hurt you. My soon-to-be ex today shared that he found out last week that he's getting a bump in his VA money and basically has decided to move to another country where he can live cheaply and never have to work and can't wait to meet a girl there who will cook and clean for him like I never could. He wants to be her "hero." I say, good riddance. It almost made me laugh. Whatever. But, to put the image of himself with another girl in my head when we've only decided to get a divorce less than a week is just another dick move. For your ex to tell you not only that he met someone but that it has merit - well, screw him. Jerkoff. Right? Sorry...

My husband and I decided end of February to divorce. April 6 I discover he’s having a relationship with someone he didn’t tell me about. I’m not entirely sure how long it had been going on but seemingly moving very very fast. I would say a month. So basically it took him weeks to move on. Can there be anything more hurtful than the person you weren’t even sure even after saying the words, that you should divorce, to turn their back to you and embrace another so quickly? To see them as everything you weren’t and make you doubt who you are? That’s what I’m doing. Did I do everything wrong? Why doesn’t he even care about me at all anymore? The mother of his children. He lied and deceived me to protect himself and he has continued to lie to her. I know in my heart I’m doing the right thing to take time to grieve, be patient with the process so that I can heal before bringing that to another, he’s not, but it hurts so tremendously to feel this way while he gets to have his job, our house, half the time with the kids and now skip around with a new girlfriend like he felt early in our relationship (whether he chooses to remember or not). It is pain I never ever thought he, of all people, who was supposed to be the one who took care of me and loved and protected me, would do. It’s unimaginable and unforgivable. I now hate him and I have never hated a soul. I don’t want to hate him. It’s very confusing. I wish I had answers instead of just “I feel you deeply”. But k suppose it helps to know we aren’t alone. I know we will be okay in the long run. They have to face their choices and we will heal while they mask their grief. I am trying not to lose faith in men. But it’s hard. We deserve better and it’s out there, they say. I know the future is bright.

I was reading your messages and here are my two cents. When my ex husband and I decided to separate he started seeing someone. I knew I wanted the marriage to end (I was the one who called it quits). The best thing that happened is since he was seeing someone else, he was agreeable to go to the courthouse together and file the divorce.He wanted to show the other woman it was over between us.It cost us about $400. And within 60 days was done. Although once their relationship ended and he then regretted it, I was happily divorced and able to properly move on with my life and we didn't have to deal with crazy expensive lawyers etc. I got a lawyer who drafted a separation agreement for 1200. I knew what my ex wanted and I knew what I wanted and I just took the emotion out of it as much as possible to just get it done. Best thing I could have done. Divorce is terrible no matter how you do it, and certainly when kids are involved its even more complicated, but taking advantage of the fact that they are seeing someone else to quickly get divorced was what I did, and after seeing my current partner go through 4 years of divorce proceedings and still nowhere near done, I say take advantage of him with someone else and get your divorced finalized as inexpensive as possible

I am in very much the same situation- we agreed to amicably divorce in December after a 6 month separation. We filed the first papers in March, pledging that we still wanted to be in each others' lives. I learned a few months later before the divorce was final that he had formed a new relationship that he didn't want to 'jeopardize' by entertaining the reconciliation I proposed. So I think his relationship is moving fast as well. He noted on his social media profile that he was on dating apps in February. To me, it's now clear he started grieving our split as soon as we separated- the divorce itself was a formality to him and I understand that. But I don't have to overlook it. This of course threatens any possibility that I remain in his life to any degree as we share no children.

I, like you, am hurting massively from this- the worst emotional pain of my life hands down. And I may not ever be able to bring myself to see him again, and that's okay. I sometimes envision him and his girlfriend together- and believe me it can't be a bed of roses for them. He hasn't invested any work into reflecting on what he could have done better in our marriage as I still encountered the same thoughtless behaviors from him after the divorce began. But that's not my problem now. His emotional health is not mine to worry about any more. His physical health or anything else I used to have to care for about him isn't either. It's a hard realization, but it's true. The sex we used to have that wasn't all that great for me? Not my problem any longer either. Thinking about these things has very much helped me hate him and even the girlfriend less. Those kinds of relationships are just risky as hell.

Once I found out about the relationship I told him to come and collect his things from my apartment and settle our remaining accounts. He dragged his feet and went radio silent until I took the initiative to tie up all loose ends so that I could go no-contact from him. I am currently on day 12 of no-contact to better reflect and get over my own grief, and just in the second day I already began to feel better. Even my appetite was a little better. I know you have kids, so make those transactions with him as businesslike as possible, cordial, with as few words as necessary. Don't ask your kids about him or his girlfriend and if they want to talk about it, promise them that you will in a month or two. You are doing the right thing. Don't lose faith in all men- just the one who caused you so much pain.