So sorry. Sounds a lot like my story. This will be my second divorce too. I kept trying so hard to convince myself we were in love, but we never, ever were. I mean, from the honeymoon on, we had issues. On our honeymoon, we went to Alaska, and as soon as we got there, I got deathly ill. Like could not keep my head up sick. He said he'd go on all our excursions without me, so I forced myself to go even though I thought I was going to die, and he had no sympathy at all. And expected sex! And it just went downhill from there.
My husband is also strongly narcissistic, and I hate it. He only looks at his phone. I tell him I hate that, but he won't stop. He cares more about scrolling through Facebook than talking to me. It's so freaking insulting. He doesn't even listen when I talk, or comment he's heard. And we were also broke and never, even went out anymore either. So awful a feeling.
My husband basically told me he wanted to swing and have group sex and was also into men and transsexuals - told me this after the honeymoon - and I just could not bring myself too. I was also worried about STD's, not to mention my reputation as a professional in my community. And then I always felt I was disappointing him because he wanted all this kinky stuff I did not. We were not a match there at all.
He sounds very controlling. Mine is too. I hate it, and refuse to ever let that happen again. Whatever you do, find a way out. I'm so glad I'm headed that way. Life is too short to put up with such bull****. No relationship is worth it. Right?
I'm really scared too, by the way. Not sure what to do about that yet, but this forum is helping at least to know I'm not the only one - unfortunately - in this boat. We'll get through it, but it will take time. Ugh. Hate this.
I was reading your post, it is like you are writing my story. My husband has at various times pressured me into having sex with other men, I felt I couldn't say no as I had no where else to go. This will also be my second divorce, I am to the point of just walking away, I'm tired of being isolated and controlled. I hope you find peace and the courage to walk away.
It breaks my heart to hear you say all these things. I hope you are still coming in here and reading replies. Please please know that living a safe respected peaceful life is more important than others judging you for "another failed marriage". You are staying because of what others might think of you and you need to switch to thinking about what YOU DESERVE.
I am sure you will be happier living with less money (not that his money is really benefiting you that much according to what you have shared), as long as you are feeling at peace.
I want to encourage you to listen to my podcast, specifically episode 31 from season 4. Where I interview a published author who has been divorced 3 times. She had the same fears as you. The Podcast is called Heavy Pages: A Divorce Journal, you can find it on all platforms and stream it for free.
I also share about my (nowEX)husband wanting me to be a "swinger", that was the term when we were married. And I share how I dealt with that.
I really hope this gives you some strength, and please feel free to reach out. you can find me on socials like Instagram at Heavy_Pages_Podcast. I am rooting for you!
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