It's a bit of a long one - apologies now. My husband announced back in November that he wanted us to split. We had been together for 34 years at this point and married for 26. We had a 24 year old and a 21 year old - both in the final few months of college (the older one started later.). We were 2 weeks away from me having to testify in a criminal court case against his own family - I had to give evidence for the prosecution so it was a scary time for me - and then he landed this on me. I was understandably upset although our marriage had become hard over the last 4 years and especially during the 2 years we had been waiting for the trial and we had been sleeping in different areas of the house. But I always thought that things would get better - as the kids finished college, left home, our mortgage paid and life got easier - we would repair what was wrong. But he was adamant he was over with me and wanted a new life. We agreed to wait until kids had finished college - june / july of this year, and would then look to split. House and pension fund - whatever we had both paid into - split right down the middle. Then today I get a facebook message from a woman to tell me that she had been having an affair with him for the last 15 months and that he was leaving me for her. However - and here's the kick - she was letting me know, because she had just found out that he had been having another affair which had been going on for the last 10 years (!!) and that he had gotten this other person pregnant. This other person had found out he was cheating on her with this new person (that apparently he actually really loves) and had messaged her to let her know he was cheating with her also. So she had decided to let me know all about it. She has finished the relationship with him but wanted to let me know - apparently now she is so sorry. Shame she wasn't sorry when she was sleeping with him. And she has felt the need to send me proof by sending me all the explicit messages between them. I actually don't care anymore. Over the last 7 months he has been nasty to me, sent me abusive messages, and has killed any love I had left for him. So this woman can't hurt me. I have refused to acknowledge her messages - she has gotten herself into this mess and honestly - if he cheats with her, he's going to cheat on her. She has split with her husband apparently and was looking forward to a brand new life with my husband - they were going to have a lovely house, no money worries and she knew she would be happy with him because he was a great guy..... Anyway - she is very clearly determined to ensure that I know all about this and I don't want to engage with her in any way. My concern is my 2 children - which although young adults - are still our children and would be devastated to hear all of this, they love their dad. We have agreed that we will split in 2 weeks and will sit them down to let them know we are splitting. I don't feel it is necessary to tell them anything about this - this is private to us two - but am I doing the right thing? I won't lie to them - if they ask me outright then he can answer them and tell them. But I'm not volunteering the information either. He is very matter of fact about it all - has admitted it all. He is blaming me - because he felt our marriage wasn't right for the last 10 years, so apparently that's what you do when you're not happy.... and also the other woman that was seeing for 10 years, for contacting the woman he is actually in love with. Apparently she is nasty for doing that. She had tried to contact me 5 years ago and I was convinced that this was just a malicious lie.. yes, I know how stupid I was, but I met him when I was 20, very young, innocent and trusting and he was my only boyfriend. My eyes are well and truly open now. I don't want it to come out - because I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I was taken for a fool for so long. I just want him to go away and die somewhere quietly - is that wrong?
Nothing wrong with feeling that way. He’s a liar. IMO I would tell your kids. They should know he’s a habitual liar. He’ll lie about you to them in a heartbeat. You don’t have to let him off the hook unless it’s easier for you. Right now, YOU MATTER YOU!
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