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Stuck in gray space

Hello I'm new here. Im going to jump right in... im stuck in a gray space. My current husband had an emotional affair and only told me because the other person spouse found out and was threatening to tell me. So he came clean. The affair went on for 1.5 months (could be more) with an ex girlfriend. He deleted all message threads and they only spoke to eachother during the day and never at home or weekends since I was home. He told her that he is not attracted to me cuz I have gained weight and doesn't want to show any affection or intimacy towards me. He told me that the conversations where surface level and very juvenile. But since he deleted all history he cant prove that to me. I can't trust him. I can't trust him on that deeper level where a paternership needs to be. We have a 9 year old son together.

I just want to hear from other women who their spouse lost their trust and how you over came that trust issue and how you moved on.

Thanks.

Re: Stuck in gray space

I hope you’re talking about moving on and away from him. Stash some money and seriously consider a divorce. It will be hard to trust him again. You deserve a better life for yourself. It would be healthier for you to be alone than with someone so surface-level when it comes to commitment.

Re: Stuck in gray space

Thank you. I'm just so lost. We went to a marriage counselor, and she looked me dead in my eyes and said, "At least he didn't have sex with her" like my hurt shouldn't be so bad. I'm afraid that if I do leave, I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion since he said it was a juvenile convo. But I dont trust him when he tells me that. The counselor also told me that if we divorce our son, will fall through the cracks. I'm just so afraid that if I say I want a divorce.. all the heartache and our lives turning upside down is all on my shoulders and my son will hate me..

Re: Stuck in gray space

What the F—- kind of counsellor are you seeing? Horrible to that about your child. Omg. Report this person. How unethical. Your son will be ok. You children adapt easier than older (teens esp) do.

What does your gut say? Follow your gut. Put him on notice. Try couples therapy. If you still cant rebuild the trust then make a plan to leave. Start saving in cash. You are strong and will set a positive example for your son

Xoxo

Re: Stuck in gray space

I know. I felt like my hurt didn't mean anything. I need advice on how to move foward and how to protect my son. I don't want to hurt him

Re: Stuck in gray space

You need to move on because it will never change. I was stuck in the same horror when I found my husband being obsessed with his coworker. Not sure if they were even sleeping behind my back but they were very fond of each other and my husband didn't has a slightest remorse of what he was putting me through.

For me an emotional affair is cheating and my trust was completely broken when I found about my husband and coworker doing that. Yes it breaks your trust and I would never be able to trust them again for their words as what they say.

It would be more number of times if you stayed in the relationship and your spouse would think you are fine with what he's doing so get out of it.

Your son would be completely fine with you coming out of it trust me. The kids of today know more than what we have seen and they do understand. If your spouse wants to stay in touch with the kid after separation then allow it but don't get involved again and forgive him.

Re: Stuck in gray space

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