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Blood Relatives Will Always Be Prioritized Over Me

I have been married for 3 years, together for 6 years. I am on my second marriage. I was his first everything. I was the first woman he lived with, his first real relationship and marriage. He is 41 years old. I had red flags in the beginning but, like a fool, I thought they'd magically disappear. The first year or so of our relationship everything seemed to be going great. Lots of quality time and trips and us seemingly getting stronger in our relationship. Then, his father got ill and I finally got to see the real him. Of course, I knew I needed to support him through this tough time. Little did I know his devotion to his biological family would upend our life plans.

Now you think to yourself that's very noble of him to want to take care of his family and it is; however, its at the expense of everyone else with no regard for their comfort, security, preference or peace. I come home from work (RN, caregiver) and his dad is in my living room. My husband tells me, not discusses with me that WE'RE going to be his dad's full time caregivers with no help even though I'm a caregiver for 12 hours a day. We were newly married. No consideration for me or my daughter. If we went some where and brought the dad and the dad said he wanted to leave, we'd have to leave. I resented my husband for this. No discussions, no healthy boundaries set.

Fast forward, the dad sadly passes away. I think we're in a good place. We move and then his psychotic mentally ill mother is released from the mental hospital. She can no longer live alone. I again come home from work and my MIL is sitting on my DAUGHTER'S bed. Again no discussion, I'm just suppose to go with it because it's his mother. His mother has been jailed and institutionalized for her mental health issues, physical harm and property damage. I let that go and soldiered on. The last straw was when he said we should move in with his brother so that we can save money. The mother and the brother live there also. They have two large dogs that are NOT trained and can be dangerous. I have been jumped on and scratched. I'm 8 months pregnant. I've complained to him that the dogs need some type of training or gates or something to make me feel a bit more safe given I'm about to have our baby, and I have a 7 year old daughter who is terrified of them. He swept it under the rug just like any other topic I bring up. If he feels it will rock the boat with his biological family, he's not going to make it an issue. I get bit by the dogs and I just left. I stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks until I was able to rent an apartment. He's still unwilling to move in with us because he says that his brother's house is his home and he'll save money there. He also has this thing where if he's upset with me he doesn't check on me or call or anything. That's been our whole relationship. The dog bite incident was no different. He pretended like it didn't happen. He didn't escort me to the urgent care or call to see where we were over night. I am deeply saddened that all the sacrifices I've made are never enough. I am grieving what I thought I had. I'm lonely, depressed, and just in shock that the person I thought was charged to love, protect, and honor me has just discarded me. Oh and that I'm enduring all of this while pregnant is the icing on the cake. Its tough. What's some things you all have been engaging in that has helped to ease the pain of the loss during separation/divorce?

Re: Blood Relatives Will Always Be Prioritized Over Me

That is fine story, so glad you're getting out. Your husband sounds like he has no empathy. I'm so sorry about this, you deserve better.
The only thing that has helped me is focusing on the present. Live each day in the moment. Find some joy where you can, whether it's having fun with your daughter, or reading a good book. I know this sounds trite, but really, it's the best thing you can do for your mental health .
Try to fill your days/time with something other than thinking about your separation...
I find that on the days I do my hobbies/have projects/ go places with my son, I am.actually happy some of the time.
Aim to make as many moments happy ones, to balance out the unhappy.
Take life day by day.
All the best to you and your daughter, and your baby. You'll create a positive new family, and have a much better life surrounded by people who truly love you and have your best interests at heart.

Re: Blood Relatives Will Always Be Prioritized Over Me

Thanks so much for your advice! I’m not even sure what I like anymore. I use to love to read. I’ve tried to read and then my thoughts of the separation overpower the book I’m reading. You are absolutely right! I just have to take it day by day and focus on what’s going to make me happy which is being there for my 7 year old and welcoming my new baby girl!

Re: Blood Relatives Will Always Be Prioritized Over Me

I hope you are doing well now and are re-adjusting. Believe me, if I could turn back the hands of time, I would RUN FAST when I realized that my husband will ALWAYS prefer his family over me! The handwriting was on the wall after our 6th week of marriage, but I had lived such a sheltered life that I thought this would pass. It has not passed after 40 (yes forty) years of marriage. I have chosen to just remain numb from having to take a back seat from the many dysfunctions in this scenario. I will stop short of giving advice, but if I could talk to my 25-year-old self who first experienced this, I would tell her to RUN from this life of misery that is likely to only intensify.