Womans Divorce Forum

Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!

Womans Divorce Forum
Start a New Topic 
Separated under one roof, going crazy

After 19 years, I separated from my husband, who has control issues. We're separated under one roof, because I can't afford to move out until we do property settlement. We've been stuck like this for a full year - he's dragging the process out.
I've been just holding it together mentally this year, while preparing my settlement proposal. He's been dragging things out, delaying getting back to me in it. Everytime I ask about it, he shuts me down by saying I'm spiking his anxiety. I just want to move out! I'm starting to get very worn down.
We have a 9 year old son, and we've agreed to do 50/50 custody.
But I am REALLY struggling with the thought if not being able to see him every day. I just cannot imagine it. It brings me to tears.
How do you manage not seeing your child every day? He and and I are very close - I have done 90 percent of childcare since he was born. He loves us both of course, but he and I have a special connection.
Not sure what I'm going to do - I definitely need to leave, but how to manage not being with my son 50 percent of the time...

Re: Separated under one roof, going crazy

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Is there not any relatives or friends you could stay with until you all reach a settlement for the property? Just to give you peace so you don’t have to be there in agony having to see him everyday. I can’t imagine being without my kid everyday as well. What’s the arrangement going to be like? How does your son feel about the split? We’re here for you! You’re not in this alone!

Re: Separated under one roof, going crazy

I can totally relate to this. I am also going crazy living under one roof, separated with three kids one is not his, and I’m literally in a deep, dark spot feel like I just wanna die.

Re: Separated under one roof, going crazy

I am so sorry you feel that way. It must be really had what you are going through, but you are not alone. Talk to us, you will get through this.

Re: Separated under one roof, going crazy

I asked for separation from my husband afer 23 years of marriage with 3 kids. He refused to acknowledge the separation. I had to force him to sign a separation agreement and lay out not to stake me or say bad things about me. He refused to move out. My in-house separation was probably the hardest period of my life. I shared a room with my daughter. He would follow me around the house, search through my trash, track me and constantly tell the kids I am leaving the family.

I never wanted to get a divorce, but he was very controlling. I finally filed with a divorce when he told me he had an STD. I found out he was involved with our nanny (that I fired) and another woman.

I did not want to move out because of my kids. I knew my ex would say I left them. So I stayed. I did endure abuse verbally and a little physical. I did end up buying the house and it has been good for my kids.

For kids, I would just stay strong and stay. If you don't think it would impact your kids, then move out. There is something to be said to start fresh.

It has been a year and a half from my divorce, and I am still recovering.

One more thing I wanted to share, I fought to have more than 50% custody of my kids. I did everything for them and earned the money. I was shocked that my husband was saying I he was the primary caregiver for the kids as I traveled for work. My ex was lazy, hardly worked and rather play sports. I had a full-time nanny to help with the kids. I was able to prove I was the primary caregiver through emails, registration for schools, applications to church, playdate arrangement etc. Fight as it is worth it. I have them 75% of the time.

Hang in there...

Re: Separated under one roof, going crazy

I am so sorry that you’re going through this. My husband is still on the property but we’re doing it amicably and he’s going very soon. I know about the controlling as it’s been 35 years for us. I suggest getting your own attorney and filing against him in that depending on your state he can be required to leave.