Hello! My husband of 26 years left the house after I filed divorce in early 2021. Things were terrible for years. I was the sole breadwinner with years of him making excuses why he couldn't work and he destroyed an investment property that was supposed to be his contribution. My therapist labels him a narciscist, and from what I know, this seems right. Future faking, avoidance, victimhood -it all fits.When he left, he told me that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him and that he never wanted to see me again. Within months, he was taking another woman to my son's football games, lying about her and their relationship, etc. Life has been AMAZING without him - I lost 30 lbs with the decrease in my stress, my financial situation actually got better, and I am repairing all the damage he did to our home. For over 2 decades he promised that we would move to a bigger house for our 3 wonderful children - it never happened - there was always something wrong with it and all the while, he ripped our little house apart in the name of fixing it. Now after almost 3 years after filing, I've met someone and would like to put the past behind me. My lawyer says that he is entitled to 50% of the equity in the home regardless of the repair costs that I incurred ($50k - furnace, electricity, sumppump, bathroom leak, etc.) He has not contributed a dime toward the home's mortgage or upkeep, not my children's college tuition, yet travels extensively for pleasure. Is my lawyer right, or is she just a lazy lawyer? It seems that with 2 kids in the home, heat and electricity are necessary -he promised and promised to fix these, but never did and would flip out on any repairman I tried to hire. Does anyone know a killer lawyer in PA that I could hire to get a fair shake here? The only reward I've gotten to supporting him and our kids is that he is going to be able to take my pension and now I have to buy him out of the house. True to form, he is not pursuing the divorce until absolutely forced to respond to my attorney. Do I just wait for him to die or is my lawyer right? What can I do?
I’ve wondered this, too, as the primary breadwinner. You’re lucky he’s out of the house and your hair. Crazy thought: must you divorce him? While it would surely feel better and let you exhale—what if you just let it ride indefinitely? He’s not pushing it. And you’re not supporting him financially, right? You’ve already made the big investment into the house you’ll have to split—maybe let that work age a little. Does he contribute to your children? Maybe he wins the lotto or gets a decent job along the way. Or maybe he kicks the bucket. Does he eat healthy and exercise?
CC, I agree with you. I hope she takes your advice. You do seem to have a similar problem. Do you wanna share? Btw, I do enjoy talking about this and related topics. Anyone interested should stay in touch through my email (gratefulsoul @ gmail). Sometimes, all you need is to talk to someone.