Thank you for your response. I will go to therapy to help me through this. I am scared of the future, but I can't spend my life complaining and not doing something about it. He won't change. He had a fight/talk afterwards and he said he is not willing to go to therapy with me, that it either sorts itself out our we part ways. I was clear telling him I wanted a separation if he does not agree to work on our relationship. He is now been passive aggressive, but the change in my mindset to "I don't care cause we are separated"helps me. I still have anxiety, but less worry. I'm not trying to make him happy. He said he always felt I was micro aggressive towards him all the time, yet he could not even give me one example of such incidents, which to me means he is making it up on the spot. He did not recognize his fault at anything, all his behaviour including his drinking was a consequence of something I may have done (again, with no examples). I pretty much got from the conversation that if I don't comply with what he says he feels I am attacking him, so it is a control issue on his part.
I am sorry that your spouse is being obnoxious. I have experienced the same, but mine does it every few months; not just around the holidays. Personally I feel that when men do this, they are either very ill-prepared for managing a long-term relationship, or they really do not want to be with us anymore. Sometimes we can maintain our own emotional leverage by looking inward and deciding whether we are going to continue to tolerate this treatment (and if we decide to do so, that's alright too) or whether we are going to become numb to it (a choice that we can make if we want to) or whether we are going to leave this demeaning relationship and re-start our lives elsewhere. That's just my two cents worth as a fellow sufferer!