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We’ve been drifting apart for about 2 years and I’ve been fighting to keep us together. Our relationship outside of sex is so solid. He’s my best friend and we have 2 beautiful children but for 8 years that we’ve been together I’ve felt like he just doesn’t want me. That he’s not attracted to me. He told me I was wrong. That he was bi but that it was in the past and he wanted me now. But for the past 4 years things got worse. Then the last 2 it got unbearable. Just completely stopped having sex with me. Just stopped even trying to make it seem like he wanted me. My self esteem is non existent. And then I found texts on his phone of him with other men. And he says he’s attracted to other people, just not attracted to me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so terrible in my life. We’ve been in therapy and I’ve just kept hoping things were going to get better because all I wanted was this life with my husband. He’s still not saying he’s gay out loud. But regardless I can’t continue in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want me. I can’t keep killing myself despite the rest of our relationship being good. It hurts too much. And I cant keep forgiving him for talking to people behind my back. (Not the first time this has happened). I’m just so devastated. And our kids are so little. But it’s almost Christmas. So we’re living together and pretending everything is normal until the holiday is over. Because I love my kids more than I love myself.
I really feel for you. When I was younger I had several relationships with men who came out gay. It really tears apart your self esteem. I know you love your kids it’s so obvious, but you gotta come first in order to provide the emotional support to them. Plus time flies by & when they’re teens they will put you through the ringer so you have to be strong. I hope & pray you will get the help you need to get right with yourself so you can model self-love to your children okay?
I am actually married to a closeted gay man right now as well. He mislead and love bombed me into moving fast. I realized it was time to divorce a couple nights ago when I moved to give him a kiss and he actually cringed from me.
I was a single mom of one child before we got together. Now I have 2 more. One just turned one and the other will be born in May. We have children only because the first one was conceived in a lie and the second one was definitely not on purpose.
I realized I had to divorce him awhile ago because of how open and comfortable he is with other men and how he expresses a pure hatred of women with them. Yet, he and his friends are porn addicts. To the point where he actively rejected me and expressed disgust at me just to go pleasure himself to porn.
It’s very hard to be married to a closeted gay man. It also makes it very hard to leave when you have kids in the equation.
I have never felt so lonely as having someone like him in my life. There has been so much pain and anger and it has been a struggle to rebuild my self esteem especially when he looks for ways to tear it down.
I keep asking myself why didn’t he just stick with his male “friends” and leave me alone? Why does he choose to hate and hurt women instead of just being the real him?
Sorry for ranting on your post. I’m very sorry you’re going through this as well. I will be sending good vibes your way! Stay strong, you’re not alone and you got this!