When I arrived home from work this past Friday, my husband of 20 years was waiting for me, having sent our two children to their grandmother's house. He told me he wanted a divorce.
We had been working on our marriage for the last year -- or rather, I was working on our marriage while he was cheating with multiple partners, as I learned in this conversation. His latest dalliance was someone he knew from his childhood; they hooked up at a funeral and now she is pregnant. She lives in another state.
I am beyond shocked, and what makes it worse is he is continuing on as normal. He expects me to keep cooking and cleaning as per usual, having dinner on the table when he returns from his 12 hour days. He chats with me like there is no problem, reminisces about things we have done, uses "we" and "us" casually, and talks about "the next time" we do something together.
I have given up so much of my time, effort, and money to this man who has chosen to throw away everything we've built. I don't even know what to say.
Just read your message, I feel your pain. I am also at the beginning of a divorce and waited way too long. Your husband seems like a narcissist. I know it’s difficult but it’s better to get out. I look at my own situation, and I stayed for the children, my family forced me to stay. All the wrong decisions. There will be a time where you will clearly see the answer of leaving, these situations do not improve. Therapy helps. I wish you well.
Men are strange/stupid. Mine expected us to “cohabitate” either during or after our divorce (I didn’t ask for clarification.), just told him that it wasn’t going to happen.
He blindsided me with “I’m done” about 5 months ago - 15 years together, 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, 3 cross country moves for his career, I had no idea he was considering being done. There wasn’t any communication.
He’s been having and paying for lunch with a “coworker friend” for at least 2 months now. But has been completely “normal” at home.
He also asked how I wanted our assets divided. Believing that I wouldn’t involve a lawyer. Um …. We have two kids I’m not jeopardizing custody or support in any way shape or form. I get that it’s expensive, perhaps you should have thought about that before making the decision to be done and refusing to work on things.
I think they know things have to change, but they are scared of those changes. So they try to keep things are “normal” as possible for as long as possible. They don’t understand that it makes things worse.