I’m reeling trying to figure out my life. It’s been 3 almost 4 weeks since my husband told me he wants out. We’ve known each other for 20 years, married almost 15, 2 kids. Different state with no family here. He blames me that I’m a yeller. I come from a family of yelling. We get our grievances out and it’s done. Apparently this bothers him. He would tell me “you can’t talk to me like that”. Or he’d yell back… but never really let me know how he felt or that it was hurting him so much and now he’s done.
I know I can do better and will work on myself for my kids
Really out of the blue for me he says I’m not happy there is no chance, I don’t want to be with you. He doesn’t even want to try to work things out.
We have 2 kids; 6 and 9. The 9yo already has anxiety to be away from me.
He’s still in the house
He still wants to “do things as a family together”. Like vacation.
But he wants out and doesn’t want to be with me
Doesn’t want to even try.
I’m hurt, I’m grieving the life I thought I had the future I thought I had.
Advice and word of wisdom welcome.
Anybody have any good supportive podcast/ books I can listen to?!
After 20 years and now he tells you this? I think there’s more to it honestly. Do a little sneaky research he might be pursuing someone else. I’m only saying this because I had no idea my husband of 20 years was involved with other women. If it’s truly only the yelling, couples therapy would help and he has no reason to refuse to try it. If he refuses to work on the marriage I’d be suspicious
Do you think he was trying to tell you?
Saying "you can't talk to me like that" sound like he really felt some kind of way. Have you really talked with him and
apologized for treating him a certain way?
Rationalizing that its just the way your family is, doesn't sound like you were taking his feelings into consideration.
How ugly did the yelling get? Would it fall into the category of verbal abuse? Is it really out of the blue or was he trying to tell you that he wasn't happy with the dynamic of your marriage?
Sorry, not trying to be unkind, but this sounds a little like my situation. My ex- was very verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I told him again and again that it wasn't okay how he spoke and yelled at me. I would tell him that things had to change or I wasn't staying. Then when I did file for divorce he seemed surprised.
He didn't want the divorce, but I was done. But, he has since worked on his issues, gone to therapy, etc.
We now get along very well, spend family time together with our boys, and I am much happier living separately from him.
Show your kids that even if a marriage doesn't work out, you can still treat each other kindly, get along and be a family together, just in a different way.