I forgave my husband after the first time he cheated because he begged to stay and said he loved me. Fast forward 3 years, and I find he has cheated on me again. He says its mostly desire with her and that he still loves me. But this time I asked him for a divorce. I found this out two weeks ago. We are also in the process of buying a house which was supposed to be our first home as a family. We discussed buying the house anyways so the kids can have a home. And he will leave us there and find a place of his own. He talked to the “girl” and they agreed to resume their relationship once this transition settles. But she is actually not a good person. Despite the pain, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and she is a bad person. She knew he was married with kids and doesn’t care that she is breaking apart a family. She is very sexual and toxic and I’m scared she’ll brainwash my husband and he already is having a lot of mental health issues. He is planning to go to therapy. But the point is that I am scared for our two kids now. I don’t want them exposed to this toxicity. So I am still at a point where I can choose not to get the house and decide to move to a different state where my sister lives. I don’t have much family or friends where I currently reside. But I know if we move away the transition will be harder for our kids. I also know that other state is less family friendly and worry that the culture there won’t be the best to raise my boys. I just want them to be okay. My husband is not okay. I know he means “well” but that doesn’t mean he is going to do us good. Please help. In your experiences, what has worked, what would you do. I have so much pain, and worry, and anger that I feel unfit to make this decision on my own. Please help me.

My first thought is don’t buy the house. He might not follow through with payments if he’s not living there. I’m working on getting a divorce and after hearing all the headaches people go through with “the house” during their divorce, I’m actually glad I didn’t get my dream house with my husband. I think my husband has mental health issues too so I’m sorry you have to go through that.

My second thought or actually question is do you get along with your sister? Would she truly have your back? If so, look at neighboring towns where she lives - who knows there might be one that would be a fit that you just haven’t discovered yet.

I know what it’s like to be so overwhelmed you feel like you can’t make any decisions. But, you can and you will. Things get better and it’ll be okay.