I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. My soon to be ex husband and I have been separated for 2 years. With contact the whole time. Some good, most bad. I was the one that initiated the divorce in the first place. After everything that he’d done, it was the right choice. I know that. So why am I so devastated? Why does it hurt this badly? Why did I allow myself to love someone this much that leaving them feels like the world is ending? We were married for 7 years. As much as I ask myself this question, the more I ask why did he betray me in the ways that he did? Why did he make promises he knew he wouldn’t keep? At what point in our relationship, did he decide to break the trust we had for one another? How did I miss it? How did I not realize it? I’ve asked him these questions many many many many times and each time, the answers he would give were not genuine. They were blaming me, his friends and any other problem everyone experiences in life. I think only once he had a moment where he took slight responsibility and “sorta” blamed himself. How rotten right? I feel foolish about the mindset I’ve had. That ultimately I believed that whatever we faced, we would fix it and stay together. That we loved each other just that much. That we would grow old together just like his parents and his grandparents. He didn’t think about how his actions would pry apart two families. I can go over this over and over but I know it will not change anything. It cannot fix what was broken. I know that… I know that I don’t want to stay with him. I know that. I know that it will never be the same. So why am I so afraid to let him go?