When he scores goals, he gets the primary AND secondary assists...

On the way home in the car, he gives dad the "talk".

The President takes his birthday off

Has a dad named Mike

When he gets a penalty, the other team goes to the box

kicks Superman out of the phonebooth so he can practice his stickhandling.

Lord Stanley drinks from his cup...

When he high sticks you, you have to fight off the urge to thank him.

He plays the power play, shorthanded

When he drives the net, Dale Earnhardt weeps like a baby...

during a penalty, he sends the ref to the box

When he scores on you, you keep the puck.

Joe Thorton is jealous of his beard

Claude doesn't bench him for scoring .......

He's on the PK, even for his own penalties.

He turned down a spot on Boston Advantage...two years in a row.

plays all 5 positions....at the same time.

Chuck Norris learned to skate... From Him

He earns a shutout but makes no saves.

When he drops the gloves , his opponent picks them up

He won the pulitzer prize in literature - for giving his autograph.

After he knocks your teeth out, he does reconstructive surgery in the locker room after the game.

Phil Pritchard is the keeper of his protective cup.

Don Cherry calls him Grapes

He sharpens his own skates...with his tongue.

He assists his own goals.

At tryouts, he cuts the coach.

When they play the anthem everyone faces him.

When he gets a penalty, he scores a shorthanded goal.

He skates on unfrozen ponds

played in the E9 AND the FED...at the same time.

The first time he got a Gordie Howe hat trick, Gordie Howe called it the Jonathon Goldsmith hat trick...

His parents don't pound on the glass during the game, HE pounds on the glass during the game

When he ices the park, the face-off is in the other teams end.

When he's involved in a 3 on 1, he does more than score goals...

Played for both teams, at the same time, on same shifts two years ago in the much-hyped 02 Kings - BA matchup!

Was +2 on the day for the Kings and even for BA!

After the game played beach volleyball!

i was trying to think of something witty but you really can't beat "Lord Stanley drinks from HIS cup" so why try!!

When he chose his hockey number Wayne Gretzky thanked HIM for choosing #99

he goes on the d board and criticizes parents

He's not always on the dboard but when he is, he has most intelligence.

He's sorry your dad got cut

When he gets a fighting major, Lady Byng goes to the box

He once scored "bar down" on a drop pass

even DR let's him play a shift...

Sharks dedicate a week to him

He will beat you on the ice, then you will beat him off.

He may not always toe drag but when he does, tigers roll over like helpless kittens.