The Lone Wolf- Often found roaming lobbies and keeping a low profile, the “Lone Wolf” is never to be approached lightly. He is often that one Dad who always finds himself a nice empty corner of the rink, safely away from any other parents or spectators. Often found in the classic windbreaker, jeans and running shoes combo, the only time he uncrosses his arms is to bang on the glass or grab another sip from his XL “Double-Double” from Dunkin.

The Circus Clown- Like an entire circus act, these types of hockey parents often seek each other out and travel in a pack, directly in contrast to the behavior of the “Lone Wolf”. These are the parents who can be found sitting dead center ice in a group of 4 or 5. They will be decked out in team colors sporting blankets and sharing thermoses of hot chocolate. You will most definitely hear them before you see them by way of their trademark cowbells and air horns. When these parents show up, you know the circus is in town.

The Coach- This parent type normally manifests itself in the hockey Dad, but has been known to appear in the hockey Mom as well. Characterized by constant hot-stoving in the stands, this parent is never to shy to add their two cents on how the team should be coached and who should play. Often they are known to lose their voice half way through the season due to constant screams of “SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT” and “PAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS THHEEEEEE PUCCCCCKKKKKKKK”! In rare cases, these parents even start their transformation early in their child’s career. You know who they are, they are the one’s yelling “DUMP & CHASE” or looking for harder back checking during Timbits minor hockey games.

The Phantom- Just like the name implies, this is the parent that you never see. For all intents and purposes, they are an elusive shadow. The only time you will ever see this parent is when they are peeling out of the parking lot leaving a trail of dust and gravel, or in the Winter when they almost put the family mini-van into the snowbank as they “Tokyo Drift” their way out of the parking lot. On RARE occasions, they will make an actual appearance inside the arena. However, this is only after the practice or game is over and they are peaking their head into the dressing room to tell their kid to “HURRY UP” or “DON’T BE LAST”!

The Northern Star- Just like their name suggests, the “Northern Star” is always there. Day in and day out for every single tryout, practice, game, tournament and fundraiser. They are quiet and keep to themselves, the “strong, silent type”. They often bring other family members along- Brothers, Sisters, Uncles and Grandparents. Normally reserved, these parents stay clear of hockey politics and don’t get too caught up in the game. Often you will find that this is their first child in hockey and have not yet been soured and jaded by the countless long hours on the road and in the rinks, along with not yet having consumed thousands of cups of terrible arena coffee.

What's the name for the guy whose always kissing the coaches ass?

Dad/mom kissing coaches ass is in the "Coach" category. Always the one hanging around after practice to talk to the coach about their kids development, asking coach why the assistant coaches kids get the most icetime and talk about the hockey rankings. On the rare occasion they do offer up some juicy gossip about other teams, and maybe bring some nice after practice treats for the team, but in the end they become a headache for the coach.

I'm that rarest of all hockey parents. The 1% of the 1% have you. A parent who's kid is actually good at hockey.

He's right. I've seen the kid play. Best 6 year old around. Plays like he's 7.

I saw the kid actually skate backwards and lift a puck.. Very very impressed.

His Dad is the coach so he knows.

i think I'm the love child of the wolf and the phantom.

he was impressive at 7 but that was many years ago... He's now playing on one of the top u14 teams in the state with a generous scholarship to a top ISL.

What about the parent who buys whatever they hear other parents / kids talking about? New sticks, equipment whatever.... Have one of those on the team my son plays for, total poser.

even better. i had a peewee parent buy their child that $2xx stick for Christmas. fine, but it was about FOUR inches too big. they would not cut it down as they spent so much money they wanted to extend the life by getting him to 'grow into it'.

a couple of weeks later i showed them the tape wearing at the heal and untouched at the toe, which (obviously) explained his sudden inability to catch a pass or shoot. they got the hint and bought another (but $50) stick. but at least they did, some never do.

You forgot The Drunken Dirtbag!