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Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

4 anons claiming fed superiority
3 e9 dad's saying wtf
And the rest of us laughing at you
Please don't be so presumptuous as to include yourself in "us." You are being laughed at more than all other current posters combined.

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

I'm your leader in this cesspool of waste.

No ****

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

I'm your leader in this cesspool of waste.

No ****
Like Farmer Ted, King of the dipsh*ts.

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

bring back col Jessup and 'Twas the night before Xmas.

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

bring back col Jessup and 'Twas the night before Xmas.
Twas The Night Before Tryouts (minor updates)

Twas the night before FED tryouts and all through the house all the parents were stirring, and running their mouths;
The rosters were hung by the locker room with care and hopes that your bender soon would be there.

The children were nestled all along the bench,
with hope their name was called to play forward or defense.

And Mama in her team sweats, and I in my team gear,
Had just settled DOWN for what could be a LONG year,
When out on the ice there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the seat to see what was the matter.

Away to the benches I flew like a flash,
Tore open the D door, and knocked over the trash.

The glow of the lights on the brokedown Zamboni,
Gave the luster of mid-day to the E9 Jabroni;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a group of new skaters, all wearing E9 gear,

With a little old coach, so lively and boozed,
I knew in a moment my bender was screwed.

More rapid than eagles his scouted players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:

Now! Viper, now! Patriot, now! Knight and Advantage,
On! Wizard, on! Warrior, on! Spartan and Giant!
To the top of the circle! To the top of the crease!
Now Shoot away! Shoot away! AND MOVE YOUR FEET!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So quick up the ice the coursers they flew,
With the edge-work, skills and hockey IQ;

And then in a whisper, I heard over my shoulder
I could smell on his breath that stale boozy odor.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
The worst kid on the team’s father was walking down the hallway with a bound:

He was dress'd all in gear, from his toes to his team touque,
And he carried with him his secret stat book;

Years of excuses flowed from his face,
And he spoke like a bender justifying his super star ACE:

His eyes were bloodshot! His teeth: very scary,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His dip-laden mouth was drawn tight like a purse,
And his breath smelled like the inside of a hearse;

The old Dunks cup he held tight in his digits,
His squat body and dip-spit on his chin made him look like a special-needs-midget.

He had a broad face, and a big beer belly
That jiggled when he screamed, after every small celly;
He was chubby and plump, zero athletic ability,
but he talked a good game and tried to gain credibility;

His lazy-eye stare and a what he had going on in his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He screamed many words, and went straight to his work,
touting his kid; looking like a big jerk,

His hands waved signals to his kid while not spilling his beer
And giving a nod, his bender looked on with fear.

He sprung to his feet, to the coach gave the finger,
pulled bender off the ice as he didn’t want to linger:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he walked to his car
Leagues mean nothing MY KID IS A STAR!

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

We will require the author to read this every year at the DBoard Christmas Party. Maybe Cap A can do it.

Re: 12 Days of DBoard Christmas

my initial inclination is to hate Twas The Night Before Tryouts but i can not

well done anon