I feel like we are in the same boat. Married when he was 21 and me 28. He had mid-life crisis at 40. He had affair for 4mths. I found out a week before Xmas last year. He moved out 5 mths later. He has now been gone 7 months.

OW doesn't want him now, she is back with her husband. He has done nothig either in relaton to a divorce and I hope and pray he won't - at this stage anyway.

My dilema, I love him so much. My heart is full of love for him, even after what he did. I accept him for all of his faults as I have them too. He has no conflict resoulion skills otherwise he would have manned up and stayed to at least TRY to work it out. Instead he left and nothing has changed except his living arrangements. He now lives with his mate, and has not resolved anything with me.

We talk/email/text although this is getting less and less lately. He is not abusive to me, just ignorant of emotions/feelings. I great him with a loving smile/hug/kiss when me meet up. I still show him that no matter what he does I am not pretending that I don't love him.

We have no children of our own together, only my son who he has been a father to for 20 yrs. He is in a stage of chaos and is unable to move forward, like I keep saying, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. He thinks that by moving out he has dealt with me and our life together. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Xmas is going to be very hard for me this year, and I don't imagine for one minute he will be the happiest person on the planet either. He can't just turn off 20yrs and pretend (like he is) that he is happy with how he is living his life.

I am doing ok though as I have the most wonderful son/daughter in law and beautiful friends. I cry now and then, more less now than before as I have a few more coping skills to help deal with the grief. Just because they leave doesn't mean you stop loving them. I accept I miss him in a physical presence but I know that I can't turn off the love I have for him.

Be strong, take deep breaths, distract yourself by thinking of something really silly when you start to get emotional. I think of Chewbacker from Star Wars - I see the big hairy thing growling at me and it stops me in my tracks. After all he is an immense, fur covered warrior of great strength and loyalty, which is someone I could do with on my side at the moment! Silly I know, but it actually works. Love to everyone.