Ladies, I was concerned that the ex would follow me & find me here.. & I believe he has. There have been a couple of posts lately that I believe are my ex posting.
I really am frightened & rightfully so.
I don't feel it's safe for me to post again...

What I don't understand is that this man left me 6 times, made me homeless over & over. I'm in huge debt & he is court ordered to pay 1/2 & he doesn't.
He uprooted me over & over.. there's so much more..
He never tried to make it work & would fight with me continually.. yet he kept wanting to come back to me.
After he left me 3 times (he left 6 total/ actually he packed me up a few of the times & stuck me on plane to be homeless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had no home/he did that 3 times)I was done trying to get him back into my life. I am really afraid right now.
I try to find places to go to heal, with other women, so I can get past this divorce. But he seems to track me then start posting..
As I said in previous post, I really don't know what the man did or does want from me.. I feel that I was a total & complete joke to him. start to finish.
I just want to be free from this nightmare.
Take care. God Bless.
I was praying that I could heal in part here.. it's a place I can share & work thru a few things but not now.
everytime I feel that I make some headway.. this happens.
it's not in me to hate. & when he keeps coming around me after ditching me 6 times thendivorcing, leaving me in HUGE debt (without paying his part),
& all of what he said we were (other half, he would never be with another woman, or leave me, all of it), I just want this chapter of my life to end that he is NOT in my life anymore.. & I believe he is posting here.
Please pray I am safe.
I just want to be safe, I want this over.
God Help me.

Also, he told his supposed best friend he was dying so that he could get out of rent/lease & come back to me (that was a lie he was not dying/this supposed friend told me down the road about this lie).. then ex told lot owner where we rented storage space that his son was dying so he had to leave town (that's whenhe left me)..his son wasn't dying. he claimed (to lot owner he was leaving town to be with dying son ..???????????????). whatever. he also lied said my brother was purchasing the property. another lie, my brother has his own property/money/home/ life..
I'm also physically challenged.. never mentioned that but the EX dumped me, & it is NOT EASY for me to start over.. I volunteer, have college degrees, stay very busy.. cooked & cleaned for both of us.
he took out trash & swept, I did the rest.
I enjoyed doing so.. but my point? here I am disabled, trying my best in this life & my life is NOT easy.. I worked/retired/on disability/pension, volunteer, exercise, take good care of myself, have friends, family, potentials even.. it's NOT EASY AT ALL & to go through a divorce from a man that for some reason? I guess found me an easy Target?
I really have no idea but I am vulnerable, I'm a woman, I'm disabled. To have him STILL coming around me, ripping me to pieces online when all I wanted was to be married, happy, I tried SO FREAKIN HARD & he would fight all the time & I would beg & plead for him to just get along, stop fighting..
I had to beg for sex (he would use denial of sex as weapon), silent treatment, continually.. would loose his temper with me at drop of hat..
he was on disability too but wouldn't volunteer, wouldn't work (he could have worked from home/he knows computers...MANY THINGS HE COULD HAVE DONE)..
he played computer games all the time .. & if that made him happy so be it but it didn't he was NEVER EVER HAPPY. & he blamed me.. he was strong physically.. so it was easy for him to pack his things & leave, he did this OFTEN. & he stuck me on plane, in my wheelchair ladies.. 3 times.
sent me across country at my expense that I had to live with my parents as I was then homeless.
He uprooted me over & over by doing this..
SO, now...............
I am starting my life over .. without him & I want NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM again.
He would tell very personal things to total strangers.. confidences.. he couldn't ever keep a confidence, NEVER. he would lie & say he didn't.
I found out more after he left.
The fact I paid for all of his coming & my coming & going (his decision as to ending it/over & over)............. I ended up in HUGE debt. having to set up house over & over again.
He pays NOTHING.
so here I am disabled, starting over, divorcing, from my first marriage, oh he left me at the start over winter too.. nice huh?
I had to move in dead of winter basically.
sell property (of which I got almost NOTHING for).
I did the whole divorce myself all he did was sign the papers when mailed to him...
for what???????????????????????????????????????
what in the world did he want with me?
& he still comes around..
trying to??????????????????????????????????
take my soul?

He tells people so many lies.. how it was my fault,
I would be on him.. well I was upset when he would hold out intimacy weeks at a time, silent treatment,
CONSTANT arguing with me /he would yell for no reason at all then not speak to me for hours on end & at times 2 days.. then leave after he was with me 6 months then want me back in 3 months..
it was PURE INSANITY.
He & his ex smoked pot & were alcoholic.
his kids.. same.
TOTAL DYSFUNCTION.
my point is.. he told me that if he left he would go back to this.. so be it.
when I met him, I had never been married, he told me that his ex left him, she had cheated on him.. so he was free to marry. He was SO IN LOVE with me, I was his other half from God.. he worked SO HARD to get me..
& frankly, how I view mental illness of which he is.
is that, people can heal, from whatever is wrong with them but if they do not want to heal, they will not.
He is NOT MATURE & never will be in this lifetime I am totally convinced & I just want to be free from him.
He seems bent on destruction...
It's not easy to start life over after divorce but you add to that having a disability & then ex leaving me in huge debt, having to deal with all the paperwork of this, which is so HUGE...
& his uprooting me over & over to where I had to start over with friendships...then he will say that I didn't have people to talk to????????????????????
I DID have a lot of people to talk with in the beginning............... & even during I would volunteer, wherever we were I tried so hard to make new friends.. I volunteered when we were together, I went to church (he wouldn't go with me)..
took care of the house, etc etc etc.. but continually he would leave, cause chaos, & then blame me for it all..
to this day, over a year since he's been gone, he tries to keep the pot stirred.. following me to divorce women's chat room.......................
he won't let it die, go on with his life.
all I want is peace, closure, to get on with my life.
STABILITY.
I have it now AWAY FROM HIM.
this has been a total absolute nightmare..
for what I have no idea...
he took what could have been beautiful & ripped it apart at the seams.
not me. him. he left (6 times) moved us I think 2 times, left me homeless 3 times, in debt, pretty much for dead if it hadn't been for my family who took me in the times he made me homeless... (as I am physically disabled & homeless shelters are not geared toward the disabled)...
SO, I have shared more than I desired to share but since he is here now.. reading all this & already knows, who I am .. . trying to heal from this..
I will have to find other place to heal.. to feel safe again.
God Help me.

he also makes my family & me to be just a bunch of looney bins but we all have college degrees, have worked, done well in life overall (I am retired from my work I did w/pension & volunteer)...
we are good people with high morals.. not perfect, not claiming to be.. but good KIND people.. who try hard to give & get along with others.. that's what my family's about. he distorts like me & my family are a bunch of dingdongs that he was possessed by.
WHATEVER.
he left, he wasn't happy, he wanted divorce & he keeps coming (lingering) around..
for what.. I have NO CLUE.
sorry but my life is JUST FINE now.. starting over & thanks to him making my life living hell.. it will take time but at least I have stability & those around me love me & we are at peace & I am happy.
he will continue to be with MANY women & it will always end the same.. I could care less.
he did me a huge disservice by how he did me & God Has Shown me what I need to know...
I am at peace.
the ex can have the divorced women's chat...
(funny how he called me oppressive & a leach.. he sat around house without ever going anywhere (I encouraged him to get out, to work, to go to church), whatever.. what a joke that he comes here.. what a freakin frackin joke.
Take care ladies. the ex is now here to process my marriage on ladies divorce chat..
i'm outta here.
& when he reads all of this?
do you think he will feel sad or somehow upset?
he will laugh.. cause that's how he is.
it was NEVER about my happiness.

I will pray your divorce is final quickly and that you can get away and feel safe. Can you get an order of protection? Hopefully he knows enough that if he dares to hurt you everyone will know it was him, it will be end of the line for him. I hope you still read here just to feel support even if you don't post. These people love to mess with our heads, make us feel like we are crazy. Try some grounding exercises. He has clearly played some serious head games with you over the years, I hope you get free soon. Good luck.

I am praying for you JLVR. In order for you to be this upset he must have done some horrible things to you. From being on this site you have a good basket of resources. USE them. Do what you need to do to stay safe.

JLVR

Thinking of you. Be safe in all ways and dont let his head games take you down. You are strong and wise.

Take care.

Whether or not this person is or is not your ex is not the case here. It is the fact that your ex could do something like this and you know it. I lived with an ex who would play mind games, lie to me and then say I was the one who was wrong. He loved to twist, turn and manipulate things just to get what he needed. I see now how he uses people and when he is done how he can just throw them away as well. Others have seen this too. He used my love for him throughout our marriage to gain whatever he wanted and only gave if he would get more in return. I look back now and see what others have been trying to tell me at times in their own subtle way. I also became over panicked during our divorce never knowing what he was going to pull next. He had no fear of lying in court and always puts up a friendly front to make himself look good in the eyes of others. Someone told me to look up the word sociopath and I did. I found it was like reading his life story. I always thought a sociopath was some crazy person out kidnapping people and murdering for profit, but that is not the case at all. The common sociopath is known as a very social person who manipulates people for their own gain. They really have no true empathy for people but rather, they copy emotions they see other people display when it will benefit them in some way. They live as if there are rules for everyone around and yet they do not accept theses rules for themselves. They do what they want when they want and talk their way through things. They come on kind and giving and when they suck you in they take and take until they feel you are slipping away and then they give just enough to get you back and hold you. I could go on and on but my ex fits all this and more. He really did come on this forum during our divorce. I started to suspect something and then my younger son confirmed it when he told me he saw his father and the other woman on my forum. Then as a true sociopath my ex did not accept any blame...he told me it was his girlfriend who was on and that he was upset at what she had done and would speak to her. I knew it was the both of them. My son had no reason to lie. The thing is...whether this is your ex or just a mistake you have made...you have to learn to protect yourself yet also not get so over paranoid that it will ruin your life and happiness. I was becoming so fearful that I had to stop myself at times yet I knew if I were not careful my ex would pull the rug from under me at any moment with his lies and controlling personality. I also had to ask God for help with this. I had to put my trust in God because I could not put it in my ex and I had to learn that if my ex pulled anything I would have to trust God to set me free from his lies and mind games and then I stopped looking over my shoulder so much. I did still have to remain careful and watchful...but I also learned how to not read to much into all my fears because if I fell... God would catch me and pull me out. To this day I do not trust my ex. I do have to deal with him and he is not so bullying now that the divorce is over. I also had to learn where to draw my personal boundaries and stand up to my ex and not let him manipulate or push me into something. It is a learning process to live with a sociopath because they don't let you go until they are ready so you have to learn to free yourself by learning to free yourself from your fears of him and trust in God instead.
You are in my prayers,
Susan

If your still reading here. Take care, do what you need to in order to stay safe. Wish there was someway to do more to help you.