I am a praying woman and I prayed for 31 years (for the now x) to stop abusing me. he did not.

No matter how badly you want the marriage to work, if he doesn't there is nothing you can do.

I suggest the book, "Boundaries"---As long as he can have his cake and eat it too......why wouldn't he?

Respect for yourself is at the forefront of all relationships.

What would I say/do?

I would say that....I understand you won't be moving out for awhile, but I will not allow you to disrespect me. THese are my conditions (whatever they might be); if you still have sex....who knows what he is doing with the other woman; you could get a disease. You can demand respect. I hope you will choose that. He will continue to disrespect yoo....as long as you indicate that it is okay.

P.S. Of course he is receptive.....you are giving him everything he wants and getting nothing.

he is like a child in a candy store.....some of this, some of that, etc..

After almost 20 years of marriage, I asked God to fix my marriage as well. Near the end of my marriage my husband was cheating on me. I did not know this and that is why I was so confused with the way he began to treat me. It was much worse than some of the normal disrespectful things he had done throughout our marriage. After I prayed to God, I began to realize my husband was having an affair...I Believe God opened my eyes to this...I prayed to God everyday to fix what was wrong and I gave my husband a number of chances when he would ask to come home because he missed being a family. He would tell me he loved me and the boys and wanted to work things out...but he never really showed any great effort and always became itchy to leave again. I finally said enough was enough and after it all I realized...God did answer my prayer. He knows who my ex is from the inside out and he knew my ex would never change...he just gave me time to realize that myself. By allowing this other woman into my ex's life, God allowed me to see just how awful my ex really was. This girl was a blessing in disguise. I stopped trying to please my ex as well. God showed me I deserved more than how my ex was treating me...I needed to find myself again and put all the love I was giving a selfish person back into the boys and myself. I was wasting a true love on a phony man. Sometimes the answer to our prayers is not always what we want, but in the end we see that God answers our needs. I remember a quote I read somewhere that said...God answers prayers in three ways.....

1. "Yes, you can have what you ask for now."
2. "Wait and have patience, it takes time to work things out for what you want."
OR
3. "I have something so much better in mind for you."

You are in my prayers,
Susan

I loved what you wrote about God answering your prayers in three ways. I especially like #3 - "I have something so much better in mind for you". I tell myself that he came into my life for a reason and only for a certain amount of time. So, I am trying to learn about myself from my years with him. And maybe that time was preparation for something else - hopefully better - actually definitely better.

Perfectly said, Susan! ((hugs)))