I finally have realize that it's really over. In 2009 my husband was laid off, I think he went into a depression. He was drunk each and every night on the floor, unable to walk, he would not be able to go to the bathroom. I helped him up, hid from him at times when he was verbally abusive, and for some reason I stuck around while he went through all his savings and refused to get any job. He was drinking vodka straight from the bottle and kept the bottles hid. I went through that hell for a long time and finally moved in with my sister. It's really hard because I miss my home, I miss my sewing room and I just miss living where I did. I paid off both our cars and the house but he is living there. I love my sister and she has a beautiful home, but it's not my home. I want my life, with my house and my things.
He would get up every morning like nothing ever happened, but also during this time since 2009 there was no intimacy at all, no kiss, no holding hands, nothing. I needed those things. All that said, I still care for him and I know he cares for me, but I can't change the way he is or how he acts. I want more for myself.
Cathy: I would suggest you see a Lawyer ASAP to see what your options are. A lot is at stake in a long marriage like yours (mine was 21 yrs.) like a house and retirement plans (funds). If you have insurance to cover counseling, that would help, too. You don't need the kind of stress he brings.
I, too, lived w/an alcoholic for 24 yrs who had many empty mouthwash bottles in the car. Look forward to having your own place by attempting a settlement and having an attorney review it and facilitate the divorce. Please make sure the real estate property is handled properly and not become a liability. Gray divorce may appear to be bleak, and I enjoy the peace of determining my days. Alcoholism can be very lonely and unpredictable.
Good luck and peace.