I have been separated from my husband since Dec. 3rd. Still so fresh. I have days of clarity where I am sure I am on the right path. That we are doing the right thing. Other days I can hardly breathe for the pain of being alone again after all this time. We were married for 16 years. Well this Thursday coming would be our 16th anniversary. We married young. We had issues here and there, but for the most part I felt like I had a good thing. Then sometime ago, I am not sure I can pin point when, he started to sink into a depression. So many things contributed to it. We made some choices that now I wonder about. I was sure we were okay, but I knew I didn't answer all my husbands needs. We opened our marriage. He had several partners but then when I had one things went south fast. He slipped into a depression that he says he couldn't ask for help to get out of. I begged him to get help. For months and months everything was my fault. He was forever sure I was going to leave him, and nothing I said could convince him otherwise. Then one day he went to far. He said something I felt to my core. I could not just take a deep breath and attribute it to the depression. So after almost a year of what felt like emotional abuse I asked for the divorce. By that night we had decided to keep giving it a try but I was struggling with the decision and didn't want to lie to him so I was clear I was not sure I could fix what was broken within us. The following Sunday he left. It has affected my whole life. my friends, my kids, even my job in some ways. I am not sure what I need but I do know that I feel betrayed by my friends. It's as if they just don't want to be around me. I get not wanting to handle grief, so I have tried to put on a brave face. But don't I deserve SOMEONE who puts in the effort? A friend, a husband? Isn't true that people deserve to be shown they are loved. What is so unreasonable about that?
Forty: My parents opened their marriage toward the end - long story short - it was what ended their marriage which had been struggling off and on. I remember when I was single, I was never invited to the homes of married people, I think, because they viewed me as a threat to their spouse which wasn't going to happen. After my divorce I kept either the t.v. or radio on all the time to help it seem less lonely (or maybe you prefer curling up with a good book and a cup of tea or coffee). Now is the time to take care of your needs when the kids are at school, with friends, etc. I go to yoga and swim. I also recommend you speak with a Family Lawyer. They are best when kids are involved - even if your kids are older or in college.