My husband and I split in December after 14 years together. We have 3 young kids and many happy times. However they were always overshadowed by the lies, and the general lack of interest in our marriage. Starting from early on, he had a porn addiction. And I was aways made to feel that I was not the priority. He would choose to satisfy himself with porn instead of me. I would bring it up many times how hurtful it was and that if he truly cared about my feelings he would at least make an effort to change. He never did. He would say he would, and it would always go back. This led to further interest in other girls..chatting, ect. He would like about many times, even little things that didn't seem worth lying over. I was I made so much effort, trying to "fix" things, and things never changed. I kept telling him how unhappy I was. That I wanted him to. talk to me, and want to be with me, all I kept getting was empty promises. I finally said I was done, and back in August I asked him to try separating. Thinking that would be a wakeup call for him. I asked him to seek counseling as well. He never followed through. Finally In December (He had moved back in) I was done. But NOW he's suddenly ready to put in this effort and do whatever it takes.
How do I know if this time would be different? I do genuinely like him, and wanted a family with him. But I don't want the hurt. Do I just move forward and hope that this is what is best? Or do I possibly get sucked back in to a repeating cycle. I'm just having a hard time making a firm decision!
Erin: I hope this is not the case, but I'm wondering if he moved back in knowing if the marriage did end, he would end up paying a lot of child support. You could seek counseling for yourself to help make a decision about the marriage if you have insurance to cover it to help pay for it. You should ask yourself if you want to be married to a man who cannot be trusted when it comes to communication with other women or not. My ex went to Strip Clubs and Hooters, so, in a way, I understand how you feel. Many people wait until the kids are grown to break up for many reasons. I would want to know if he's had sex with any women while split from you, and, if so, he should be tested for STDs if he wants to get back into bed with you. If it were me, I would end the marriage and get a consultation with a Family Lawyer.
I agree with Lara, he has other motives. My ex did exactly the same thing to me, he claimed to want to work on the marriage after years and years of ignoring and downplaying the problems. In the end he used to extra time I gave him to get himself well positioned for the divorce rather than work on the marriage. It cost me a lot - don’t be fooled like I was.