This is a long story. My husband and I have been together since I was 17 I’m am 45 now . Because I was young the beginning of our relationship was fine. He’s 10 years old than me. I encouraged him to attend college when we met because I was in college. In college he drank too much but that’s what most do in college. As we got married had kids 10 to 15 years later he’s an alcoholic. He gets drunk on the weekends. He told me ten years ago he doesn’t want to be a family anymore he wants to do his thing and I do mine. I was a stay at home mother and just tended to the kids. So o got a part time job and for years I got a life. my kids are older we do things together my kids and I. He doesn’t go with us. Which is perfect he does his thing and I do mine. I want a divorce he knows that. We don’t have sex because I fell out of love with him. Our marriage is pretty much dead. Sometimes he asks me to budge and take him back. However he is controlling, drunk, verbally abusive and loves to start fights with me constantly. He acts like he knows everything we can’t have a normal conversation because he acts as if he knows about everything. It’s really annoying. He threatens to take the money away etc. He won’t leave and wants me and his kids to leave. Yes he’s an *******. He constantly says I’m cheating which I’m not but I want to. He takes out $200 from our account once a week because he has debts he says but that’s not possible because I pay all the bills. I think he’s cheating but I don’t care if he is. I don’t love him. However I miss the company of a man. I want someone to talk to or whatever. I want to open a married dating account?? I’m not the cheating kind but I miss the adult male relationship. Not sure what to do??? Should I get a divorce? We tried marriage counseling it didn’t help. Plus I just don’t love her anymore. I have many regrets. Don’t judge. Please help!