I'll try not to over explain myself. I've been with my husband since I was 18, he is an army vet with PTSD and possibly bipolar. Our marriage has been up and down, the downs got to the point where he became physically abusive and would have fits of rage which he says he doesn't remember, there was many times where he has threatened to kill himself. I'm not perfect I have been dependent upon him and until just recently I was terrified of driving. I'm getting my license on Tuesday. We also have 3 kids 7,8, and 9 years old. I have no family other than the one I built with this man. I've been done and emotionally turned off for the last 3 years. He cheated on me and all my respect and trust was lost. It wasn't easy to come to this conclusion I fought myself all the way. Now that I have decided and have been open and honest he wants to save our marriage, he is seeking help for his mental issues. When I think about if he actually fixed all the problems I know in my heart I'm still done, I have nothing left to give. He is emotionally unstable but until I can get my license and get to work I am still dependent on him and also for my kids. I can't leave until I'm financially able to provide for them. I am also terrified of what he will do to himself or us when he finally realizes he can't save this. He has moved into the guest room and the sense of relief I felt was overwhelming, I actually have physical stomach pain when he is near me. Last night he called me from work screaming at me and saying that I need to go to counseling and try to reconnect with him, he said it's killing him not to be intimate with me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just trying to get through each day without setting him off. It's like a bomb that has been ticking for 13 years. I feel so much guilt because I am the only person that really has tried to help and understand him but at the expensive of neglecting to help myself. This morning he woke me up by crawling in the bed and squeezing me so hard it hurt. Then getting up and telling me if I don't want him I need to get the hell out of his house. The last time he cheated I kicked him out and he went off the rails and was drinking and on drugs, his parents who know everything about our relationship and how I have struggled to keep it together and keep him from going over the deep end turned their backs on me and hired a lawyer for him to try and take the kids from me, I had no support and I took him back so I wouldn't have to fight, and also I was completely dependent on him. He has moments where it seems he understands or is trying to and he will behave for awhile, but it builds up to the point he loses control and becomes so angry he is blind to all reason. I don't want to live like this anymore and I don't want to keep saving him, I want him to save himself and not for me or our marriage.

Jessica: I would call the Domestic Violence Hotline when he is not around and also the Women's Bar Association for legal help. Have the police remove him from the home if you are afraid. Get whatever help you need if the marriage ends or HE leaves, i.e., child support, your local food pantry, subsidized child care, job training, emergency housing/emergency spousal support, etc. His parents are just as unstable. If I were in your situation, I'd have him removed from the home by the police due to alcohol/drug abuse/domestic violence (squeezing) and get a restraining order and sole custody. If you have anyone who can loan you money for a Lawyer, see a Family Lawyer ASAP.