Ive filed for divorce after 15 years.....If I look back we really only had 5 years of good times. The other 10....full of drug use, fighting, physical and emotional abuse off and on. Then why and hell am I still crying and wishing that we could go back and work on our marriage to be the couple that made it despite all the ****ed up ****. I want you to own up to the promises that you made me 15 years ago. You promised me that you would respect me, love me, take care of me, NOT CHEAT on me, NOT LIE to me, NOT HIT me, not call me names and make me feel like **** about myself for my age and what happens to a woman body when she ages. **** you!!! You've been seeing Collen since October 2016 and yet you begged me to come home and stupid me I did.....I came home and tried to make it work, went to marriage counseling and sat there and listened to how I was the one cheating and lying....and all along it was you....I put our daughter through more and more **** just to be with you...and now...now where are we? I'm living in a ****ty apartment with our ****ed up angry as hell daughter while you are sitting in our "family" home playing house with someone who isn't YOUR WIFE!!! But hey you've been raising kids since you were 17 and now its YOUR time to be free have a life...yeah well try telling that to your 12 year old daughter who still needs a dad...but don't worry I'll take care of that too. You have hurt me to my very soul, you took my self-confidence, my self-worth, my youth, you beat me black and blue, you broke my jaw and my spirit, and yet I still want the life you promised me?
I think that’s what we all hang on to.. the nice and the good that we saw in the person .. we somehow wish this mean person could b that kind loving person we met and fell in love with .. as long as drugs are in the picture or alcohol life won’t b the same .. he’s not 100 percent ...plus remember a lots of abusers .. love bomb their partners then go into their abusive mode to control us ... it’s similar to the Stockholm syndrome .. I know knowing that we are being abused doing make the pain go away or bring bk the years .. but u can still find someone to love u and respect u but u have to heal ..it’s ok to hurt .. go through the motions .. understand ur emotions are temporary .. stay distracted .. go to counseling or take a walk .. a swimming class or a yoga class at rev center .. I’m sure there’s free domestic violence counseling in ur town .. rebuild yourself and give urself the life you and ur daughter deserve
Thank you Lily,
I do go for walks, I plug in the headphones, and I walk...during my walks I cry, I scream out loud, I curse God and then I thank God for getting me this far. I'm also on #withyou site. I'm sharing my story and it is helping. He wants to keep dodging the process server that is fine I will show up to court and I will end this relationship on my terms not his. Just like I said to another DV survivor....the men that we where with are NOT moving on with their lives as they want everyone including us to believe.....they may have another female in their lives and it may appear that they have "moved" on.....but in reality they have "continued" on with the same life they have always lived....jumping from one relationship to the next...Her and I will take the time to heal and then WE will MOVE on with our lives...move on to the life that God has planned for us to live while they will just continue on. Divorce sucks, it doesn't matter if its for the best or not, it still sucks. It's hard to give up on the "dream" and yes most of the time I feel like I'm failure but I didn't fail, just the marriage. I will take the time to heal, not only myself but my precious daughter, I will not jump into another relationship until I learn who I am and what I want in life and I will NEVER settle for another relationship with a man that disrespects me, verbally and physically abuses me and takes the light from my eyes and smile. It won't be easy but I must believe that it will be worth it. Thank you for listening to me.
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