I have read some of the previous posts, and so many of us are struggling and have tough situations we are dealing with.
In my case...I was together with my spouse for 8 years and married for 4.5 years. I helped raise my two step children and we had full custody. We had agreed that once both are off to college that we would move to Europe for a few years as my family is originally from Europe.
When I got a job offer in Germany last September, we as a family discussed the decision. We all agreed that it aould be a great opportunity! That kids would come visit and that would go twice a year to visit them etc.

So we moved to Germany this past January...my spouse had a difficult time adjusting as it was winter, she missed her kids tremendously and she didn’t understand the language and had no friends. She complained that she was struggling but I kept reassuring her that it would all be better once she finds a job and starts making new friendships. I tried to do things wth her so that she would enjoy this new chapter. We traveled around on weekends.. early May she left to the US for 3 weeks to visit her kids and bring them hoke from college. I was supposed to come a week later. However after a few days she told me she was torn and didnt know what to do and then the next day she tells me we are two very different people and that she is in a very bad place. I was shocked as days before things were ok! I did not go to the US on my vacation to give her space and time. Anyways, the day before she was supposed to fly back she told me it’s all over and that she wants the divorce.. my world fell apart.. i found myself packing her stuff the next day (after we had unpacked our stuff in February). The car we bought here as our wedding date as a number plate, we bought bycicles, we had bout tickets to fly to different place in Europe..including celebrating my upcoming 40th birthday in Spain.. within a week she had closed bank accounts and all was over. We had sold our house and every common property before moving here. So suddenly I lost the family I helped build for years..the kids (20 and 19 years old) didn’t contact me and my spouse has moved on and is totally happy. She said she would even leave a perfect relationship for her kids, but thst she had not loved me in the same way she should for a while and that the relationship made her unhappy. Why do our spouses not communicate how they feel way before so that we are not totally caught off guard with being dumped andiscardes like trash??? I am so hurt, depressed and disappointed that someone I love so much was just able to end things without even facing me face to face and discuss things with me...she just left me here with our commin dog and left me to clean up the pieces, pack her stuff and ship it to her (not even a thank you when she got her boxes).. I am devastated and heart broken. I don’t want to ever see her again...

Why do our spouses not communicate how they feel way before so that we are not totally caught off guard with being dumped and discarded like trash??? I am so hurt, depressed and disappointed that someone I love so much was just able to end things without even facing me face to face and discuss things with me...


...If you find the answer to this, PLEASE let me know. I'm only half joking, but it's because I'm equally as devastated. I'm sorry this is happening to you too.

My life too drastically changed when my ex husband came home one day to tell me he had not loved me in years and was not happy. He said he was only pretending to love me. I just don't get it.

Karla: I'm sorry this happened to you. It may be he's having an affair. You should have a consultation with a divorce lawyer.

R

First, I am very sorry. It sucks no matter how it's sliced. Even if she came back and did it face to face, trust that it would still suck.

As a somewhat non-direct answer to your question, what I've been discovering slowly through this process is there were many signs along the way that I flat out didn't see/refused to look at. Had I been brave enough to see those signs for what they were--and even tried talking about them with him, one of two things could have happened: We might have been able to address them, or I would have saved myself years of hurt.

It's not an excuse for his abandoning our marriage, but I do blame myself for my part of not opening my eyes sooner.

Maybe if you start looking in earnest, you too will see more than you are now. I'll be honest though, it doesn't help much to see the signs after the fact--but it is beginning to teach me some valuable lessons about what to look for in the future.


Hugs to you. You aren't alone.

I wish my ex had discussed things with me instead of talking to the other men in the neighborhood. It was none of their business and now they know my business.....sorry this happened to you!