I have written entire paragraphs and gone back to delete, then added things and after what seemed like an entire novel, I deleted everything again. This post will be long. I've never done this before. But I'm thankful for this forum. It's just what I needed.I have nowhere else to go. I am 33 years old, and I have a 17 year old daughter. I had her young but I am entirely grateful for her. I have been officially divorced for a little over a year, but separated for a little over 3 years. My divorce has put me through an emotional roller coaster that I'm still trying to recover from. First of all, my divorce came as a surprise to me. At the time, I was working in a place that became very negative and hostile so I started looking for another job. My ex husband told me one day, after he came home from work and seeing me cry due to some work issues, that I could quit my job. He said he was finally doing better at work and making more money, and I could quit until I found a part time job so I could be home more. So I put in a two weeks notice. Luckily, my father's company was hiring part time employees and I got the job on the spot. Before I officially took the job, I wanted to consult with my husband first, after all this would have some kind of effect in our lives. We sat down on the bed and I told him that I had gotten the part time job and I wanted his thoughts on it before I officially accepted the job. He said " Well right now is not the time for you to be working part time" I sat up more an asked "What do you mean, are you ok?" he replied "It's not the right time for you to take a part time job because I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be here for. " Not even thinking that he was leaving I said "What's wrong? you're sick? You have cancer? We're gonna beat this. We're gonna beat this thing together" and of course he said "No no no, I'm not sick. I just don't love you and I'm not happy anymore." My heart dropped. I didn't know what to say. Apparently, he had not been in love for a very long time and was only pretending. He said he did not want to fight for our marriage because there was nothing worth fighting for. That is all I needed to hear to know that there was nothing I could do for us. Since then he was in and out of our apartment, I shared a room with my daughter. Finally one day he just up and left forever. Left most of his things behind and said "And don't even think that I'm gonna help you!"
Since then I've been a wreck. I've dropped down to my knees asking God what the purpose of this was. I've never felt so lost. I'm still trying to figure things out. As time went on, I realized that he was becoming an alcoholic and he was having an affair. And although I am thankful that I got out before it got worse, I still feel lost. My dating life has been a joke. I have met nothing but married men, or men that don't have much going for themselves. I've been so lonely. My daughter is at an age where she wants to hang out with friends only. And all of my friends are married with small children, or pregnant, or in committed relationships. I stand alone in this. I also work two jobs. And honestly I'm just flat out tired!! I have so many expenses I cannot afford to live off of one job. I start one job from 4:30 in the morning to 1 pm and start the other at 5 pm to midnight. I only get a little over two hours of sleep in between jobs. In between I pick up my daughter from school and take her over to my parents. My life has never been so divided before. I split myself between two jobs, two homes, and my daughter. Sometimes, I stay the night at my parent's house so that I can at least sleep next to my daughter because I miss her so much! I go back and forth between my apartment and my parent's home. I know some of you might be wondering why I don't just move in with my parents. But I just can't. There is literally no room for me there. My daughter took my old bedroom which my parents had converted into a workout room once I got married and moved out. My mom also occupies half the closet while my daughter takes the other half. I've been doing this for almost three years. I reached a point where I cannot find happiness. I hate my life right now. I hate that my ex husband did this to me while he lives his life happily and free of worries. I have to sacrifice my sleep and precious time with my daughter and a personal life. I feel like I'm done! I can't anymore. I'm tired! I've had several emotional breakdowns and I feel so lost. I've lost my faith! I feel like God has forgotten all about me and just doesn't care anymore! To make matters worse, I recently discovered that I had several health issues that could have killed me had I not gotten immediate attention from my doctor! And just weeks after, I found out my ex husband is happy in a relationship while I'm here tired, lonely, exhausted, sad, torn and completely lost and recovering from life threatening illnesses. When I found out about him and his girlfriend I broke down crying. I cried into my pillow and told God that I hated him! It's just not fair anymore! I am a self sufficient woman. I support myself and my daughter. There is nothing a man can do for me that I cannot do for myself. I am confident in that. But at this point I see no remedy for my life. I feel like I'll be tied down to two jobs forever and that there is absolutely nothing out there for me. I cry almost everyday because I so desperately want a change in my life. I'm tired of working two jobs, I'm tired of everything! I'm tired of my hard work not paying off. I'm tired of being strong because no one out there can be strong for me. I'm tired of people making rude comments about being single. And I'm tired of my daughter never wanting to spend time with me. I'm tired of no sleep, not being myself these last few months. I'm just tired of everything. I'm not suicidal, I most definietly want to live. Just not this way. And I don't know where my life if headed. I've given up. I gave up on thinking positive because with positivity came high hopes and expectations and I only get disappointed. And although I tell myself that I'm over it and that I've come to terms with the way my life is, deep down I really haven't. I want more out of life. I want to feel happy all the time not just sometimes. But I just cant anymore. I'm so done. This year, I've been stuck in a negative rut that I just can't get out of because I've accepted this as my reality. Life is just not ******* fair and I need to be a big girl and get over it.

Hi! I know how you feel. I will be in the same boat as you soon. My husband has not filed for divorce yet but he moved out recently just took his clothes and guitar. And the worst part is the he ended our lease to our apartment and I have to be out by the end of July. We have a 19 and 13 years old boys. He has gotten a new place and probably a new girlfriend. So not to bore you with details my income and bad credit due to him I am having a hard time finding a place to stay especially with 3 occupants. I am required to get a 2 bedroom. It is so not fair that he can just say I hate my family and move on. I am left to clean up his mess and support my boys on my measly salary while he enjoys his life with no stress or worries. Ugh!!! I just want to get in my car and just drive to nowhere. Hello

Im feeling torn apart as my husband is planning to move out after he realized he doesn’t love me anymore. No idea how im gonna get through this with my son.

Hi! I know how you feel. I will be in the same boat as you soon. My husband has not filed for divorce yet but he moved out recently just took his clothes and guitar. And the worst part is the he ended our lease to our apartment and I have to be out by the end of July. We have a 19 and 13 years old boys. He has gotten a new place and probably a new girlfriend. So not to bore you with details my income and bad credit due to him I am having a hard time finding a place to stay especially with 3 occupants. I am required to get a 2 bedroom. It is so not fair that he can just say I hate my family and move on. I am left to clean up his mess and support my boys on my measly salary while he enjoys his life with no stress or worries. Ugh!!! I just want to get in my car and just drive to nowhere.

My ex husband had me doing all the work too. Although he was the one that left, I had to take the time off work to put the divorce together and file. It took me a long time to serve him with divorce papers because I did not know where he was and he would not tell me. I had to downsize from a two bedroom apartment to a one bedroom because I live in Southern California and the rent was going up by the hundreds. I could no longer afford it. Luckily I have a daughter and we share my bed. But you have two boys, who most definitely need their own room. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you can recover from all the obstacles coming your way and that your journey is a lot easier than mine.

Borrow some money from family to help pay for a Lawyer if you can. See about getting emergency alimony.

I didn't know I could do that. Thank you.

Life is not fair but you need to believe you deserve better! What cheaters do is destroy the faithful partner but you need to be strong for your kids n yourself