My ex fell in love with his receptionist. I saw the signs from the beginning. Granted our relationship was on it's way out. He was sleeping on the couch for over a year and refused to come back to bed. I tried so hard to make our marriage work and he just shut me out. He claims he has never been intimate with his receptionist but his employees sent me pictures and I overheard conversations with him and her. I couldn't take it anymore when he moved out after I confronted him about the pictures and conversations. After 3 months and him getting his own place after refusing to make it work I filed. He still claims they are just friends after I confronted him about our phone bill. We have been divorced for 4 months and were working on being friends for the kids. He lied and told me that she was only an employee. Refused to fire her to work on us. Again I find out he talks to her every night before bed and it's killing me. I still love him and wanted so badly to make it through. He led me on for over a year with her. I have been trying to separate myself from him. The pain is so bad! Am I wrong to think there is something other than friendship with them? Why would he keep her as an employee and frien? Am I still holding on to something that will never be? HOW DO I MOVE ON???? I NEED HELP!!!

You love him because you're holding onto something that was, not something that is. I know how tough that is because I've been guilty of the same. I have to keep reminding myself that the man I married isn't the same as the one who walked away. That man, and the life we lived together, is gone forever.

I was crying in the bathroom mirror the other day when something weird happened. It was like my head took over and made me "see" the reality that my heart didn't want to look at: The cheating, the lies, the betrayals, the gas lighting, and all the cold/calculated manipulation. THAT'S who he is now, not the one my heart aches over.

Needless to say, the tears dried up and now I'm committed to letting my head steer my mental bus for a while. I'm only a month in...it's still hard, but it's FAR better than it was when my heart led the way.

Hope this helps.

Wow, Jianu...thank you so much for what you just posted. This is exactly what I am going through. My STBXH walked out on me and our child just this past March and it was in a violent manner. He said he was going to go kill himself and when I went to call for an ambulance he assaulted me. He also faked having a heart attack. He used to be the kindest, funniest, fun loving, charming, easy going, thoughtful, caring man ever. Then he turned into a depressed alcoholic who had nothing but rage and anger inside of him. I waited around for years waiting for the lovely man I married to return but he never did, he just got sicker and angrier and then left us in the most hurtful way. My daughter and I went for a hike the other day and she got emotional saying she missed her Dad and "how he used to be, when he was nice" It was heartbreaking seeing her cry and be hurting so badly. I got emotional too and had to sit down and was sobbing. I miss what was not who is is or who he has truly shown himself to be. It is heartbreaking but I am moving on, taking one step at a time. We were together 22 years, married for 20. That was my old life, moving forward with my new life, single, head of the household and getting it done. We have to be strong for our children and it is no way easy at all. Thank you Jianu for all your posts and what you have shared, I really appreciate your advice and input. I too am trying to let my mental lead the way not my heart!

You're welcome, I hope it helps you a little. I still have days when I stumble across things that reminds me of who we used to be, and I do break down. I let it happen because my heart does still need to grieve THAT relationship.

You had alcohol as the demon, I had depression. But the result is the same. A charming, loving, witty human being turned into a angry, mean, calculating one. He too threatened suicide if I didn't 'agree' to the split. And he wouldn't give up his internet sexting partners no matter how many devices I smashed or chucked in our pool.

You never said how long your relationship was, but mine was 32 years married, 34 together. I'm still teaching myself how to adult without him because I spent nearly my entire adult life with him. It's a slog to be honest, but my best days are the ones where I'm making the most effort to let my head do the driving.

I don't know why it's taking my heart so long to catch up, but love is love I guess. I do still deeply love the man he used to be and some part of me probably always will. And that's okay, as long as I'm not allowing it to hold me back from the truth that it ISN'T the man he is today.

Let me know if you'd like to communicate outside of this site. Sister's in arms is a powerful thing and we can all use one.

Oops you did say how long yours was. Sorry I missed it the first time.

DeeDee: I'm sorry this happened. It takes time to get over this. Focus on yourself. I joined a low cost health center and go to yoga every week. My Lawyer told me not to concern myself with what my ex is doing. Some people only speak with their exes when it concerns the kids. Best wishes.

I know how you feel. I was in a rocky relationship for 2 years. I decided to marry this man for all the wrong reasons. I mean I did and still do love him but that was not my reason. So finally we married may2017 2 weeks after our marriage I caught him trying to have sex with one of his baby moms. There had been infidelity from the beginning but since I loved him I overlooked all the signs. When we are in love we get kind of obsessive and do not want to face reality. I tried keeping the marriage together but than I lost my car and my job and everything really spiraled down from here. He didn’t want to help me get to work after finding a closer job. He made it very difficult for me after I catered to him and his daughter for the first 2 1/2 years. When it was his time to help me he backed out. He would pay rent here and there always late and than tried telling my daughters n I he was the one working and we had to do what he said. It turned to a living hell. Oct2017 I left him for the 10th time. But first time after marriage. We tried working it out. I moved back in in jan2018 and back out in feb. in again in March and out in April. He knew I would keep coming back and forgiving him so he kept up with his lifestyle. He would go drink all his money n forget to come home. So I wouldn’t go back with him I took a job millions of miles away. That way I knew I wouldn’t fall into his sob tears again. Guess what I came home every 3 weeks and he would kiss my ass the week I was coming home but the minute I left he would go MIA. Is this love? Heck no. I did a lot of thinking and said to myself. Trust is out the door I will keep being miserable and he is not going to change. I’m finally letting go. I love him but I love me more. It’s not worth the pain. I let him hurt me. So I put a stop to it and filed for divorce.