I am divorced after 21 years and living with friends but i feel like no one understands me? I often cry and lash out at my friends and dont understand? Can someone relate please?
Unless they've gone through ending a very long-term thing, your friends won't understand at all. Everyone assumes to know what a breakup feels like because they've all had one too. But WE KNOW it's not the same thing.
Mine ended at 32 years married, 34 together. Basically, we spent almost our entire adult lives together. I was 25 years old the last time I was single. I'm nearing 60 now...I don't know how to adult without him.
My friends (most of them) aren't even calling or coming around right now...mostly I think because they don't know what to say. They know how devastated and upended I am, but they haven't been very supportive. I was SOOO angry (still am) at some of my closest friends, but at the same time it's teaching me how to rely on myself.
I had a huge fight with one of my best friends over this. She doesn't seem to understand and we still aren't talking. I've decided that I don't need to add her baggage to my plate. I don't know why she chose to hurt me at the worst time of my life, but she did...so for now, I'm better off without her.
I don't know if any of that will help you, but I'm sending you virtual hugs as a sister in arms.
People who are couples view single people as a threat to their marriages (they think you may want to date their spouses). When I was single I was never invited to the homes of married people other than family and when I met my now ex, we got all sorts of invites.
Renae people who haven't been through divorce don't get it. But it's no fault of their own, they just haven't walked in your shoes. I was married for 26 years, with him for 30. I had my married name longer than my maiden name! I was unhappy for so long that after he walked out on me my married friends would say "whats the big deal? why you crying? you were so unhappy anyway'. I ended many friendships as I realized who was there to say, "girl, i'm here you can cry for as long as you need to, i'm not going anywhere". You really learn compassion and empathy for people who have walked this walk.
What you are going through is hard. You are grieving. Grieving what you won't have as in growing old together, grandchildren together, retiring together. Grieving who you thought he was. Grieving your marriage. It is a loss. It's a transition. It's learning who you are for the first time.
GIve yourself room to be sad. It's ok. Don't try to close the door on sadness or chase it away. It's ok to be sad. Give yourself as much time as you need. Everyone is different. Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself compassion. You did the best you could. Love yourself. The people you need in your world will be there. Let the others go if they are causing you more anxiety. You don't need that right now. You are raw and sad and need support around you. Find that and you will start to heal.