I'm a 60 year woman married for 37 years. Ive never been faithful and Ive never felt any guilt for the affairs I've had. I have always come home to my husband and children as if nothing happened.
Now with the kids grown, my husband and I don't do anything together and we don't enjoy each other's company at all. Sex is nonexistent, which is great with me...I now find him repulsive, I'm sorry to say that but it's the truth. I literally feel ill when we have had sex and it seemsike lately he's been pressuring me more and more for sex. I pretty much do have all the freedom I need to fool around though. But it's no longer enough. Ive fallen in love, or at least I think it's love and I want out of this marriage. My husband will be absolutely devastated as well as my children. I don't know if I can do it for that reason... not so much my husband but because of the kids.
Also I will definitely be lowering my lifestyle. Of course "he" says material things don't matter as long as we have each other. I'll admit the relationship is based on sex... the craving we have for one another. I know I should just stay in my loveless, excuricatingly boring marriage.. for my husband, for my kids, my grand children and the life style I'm accustomed to. But God how I want out!!! I don't have that many more years left... and I just want to be happy.

Minus 2 years of age, and 3 years of marriage, our situations are exactly the same...bar one small detail; it's not me acting and feeling this way, it was my husband.

The irony of this is I no longer blame my husband for desiring a different life. I don't find fault with anyone wanting to seek true happiness either. What I DO find abhorring, is that he took the longest and most possible hurtful way of going about it.

While the pain of ending a lifetime together is nearly insurmountable, it's finite and will improve over time. But realizing your entire life has been a lie and the person you trusted most is willfully responsible, isn't the kind of finite betrayal that's necessarily recoverable. It's abject cruelty that inflicts damage much deeper and further reaching that ever imaginable.

What probably hurts/scars the most is had he been honest with me years ago, when he first discovered this about himself and us, I would have had a much better shot at bouncing back. At this age, I fear that no amount of therapy or professional help will adequately deal with the enormity of the emotional, logistical and financial aftermath.

Food for thought.

I am also a '60 plus 1' year old female married for 31 years with 3 grown children. Our marriage took a bad turn about 7-8 years ago now, without my really knowing it, when our biz took a nose-dive. It effected my husand's 'ego' enormously. I have to add in that he was diagnosed a narcissist years ago, and recently also having ADHD (which I already knew). He was suppose to be looking for full time work, and turned down one offer, because he felt 'he was worth more than that', but I found out a few years later, by accident, that he was having not one, but two affairs. I was busting my butt to bring in money with a new bus. I had started while he was out having his mid-life crisis at age 60. The marriage was very strained with the biz going down hill. I knew it, but wasn't willing to give up. I convinced him to go to counseling with me, which lasted about 6 mos. Things got better for a bit and then reverted. At one point, I asked him specifically if we couldn't get divorced, since we were both unhappy. He said NO. I even found ways for us then to downsize and save money. We had planned to move the next year when our last two kids graduated college. We were even looking at much less expensive houses with a realtor. All the while, he WAS having these affairs! He had planned to have his cake and eat it too, BUT, I found out by sheer accident. I was livid! I even gave him a chance to make it work, because even after I confronted him about the affairs, he said he didn't want a divorce. BUT, he never followed through on anything to make the marriage work. He, by the way, blames me for his affairs, and his falling away from the church. A true narcissist. He told me he would not contest the divorce when I finally filed after much painful deliberation, and he would not hire an atty. When we started mediation, he blew up at mediator. Didn't like what he heard he would have to give me was rightfully mine. Was ****** at the mediator, telling her she was siding with me. He then hired a litigation atty. and said he wanted the judge to make the decisions for us. SO, I was stuck having to find a litigagtion atty. (long story) It is now 2 yrs later and we are going to trial. Even after the judge made his choices for us, my husband didnt' like them. At first, he had agreed to things, then later reneged, and refusing to budge after 2 years of pre-trials, status hearings, and thousands and thousands of dollars of high atty. fees (mostly my atty. because he won't talk to his atty. because he doesn't want to pay her) I have had to do all his work for the judge, because he won't and I want it over. I have astronomical atty bills and they keep coming. He has cut me and my one son off with money to pay our bills. He is hiding jobs, lieing about money, hiding money in a shoe box somewhere, and it goes on and on. I am dealing with an atty who doesn't listen to what I say or need, and does what she wants. I have had to fight with her to advocate for and support me. He's on his 2nd atty, and I'm on my 3rd. I cannot change again, but am getting royally screwed by him and this atty. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and how to handle this atty? I have pretty much stopped talking to the narcissist because all he does is bully with me with threats thinking he's going to scare me. Not! Narcissists go for the kill. Even he is the one who caused the divorce, he is throwing anything at the wall against me to see what will stick. All lies. It is a horrible situation to be in after 2 years of a divorce, and a man that I thought loved me and his kids for 30 years. He could care less about any of us and wants to destroy me! Anyone else out there dealing with narcissist soon to be ex's, and/or attorneys that run over you?

I was married to an ADHD, narcissistic alcoholic for 26 years who walked out and it was the best gift he ever gave me. That and not coming back. He promised me he'd take care of me, blah, blah, blah, but when lawyers and girlfriends get involved, watch out. I fired my attorney after 6 months and got a new one because my first one did not have my back. She was negative and rude. I thought having a woman would be better for me. She had a major chip on her shoulder. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and knew I needed to fire her. Best thing I ever did. I hired an incredible attorney who had my back every step of the way, and still does even though the divorce is over. Things still come up and he's right there handling it. He took alot of stress out of a very stressful situation. My ex hired an attorney that sucked, we went to mediation and I got so much. Which he agreed to but didn't sign. The next day fired his attorney and hired a new shark. But my attorney wasn't intimidated. Get a new attorney, one that you are comfortable with, has a good track record, you get a good feeling from and you trust. And make sure you are confident in speaking your truth and not letting someone take advantage of you. This is no time to lay down and be run over. Stand up girl and take care of yourself.

Hi Susan

I REALLY want to fire my atty.! But I don't know how I can. She is my third atty because the first one I had never responded to me, charged me bogus charges for phone calls, etc. and then I find out he's going through his own divorce and also splitting with his atty. partner and relocating to a new spot. Then I found out from someone else her boyfriend tried to use him in his divorce,and two years later and $50k in debt, he still wasn't divorced, and was sueing him. So, I switched to a mediation atty., because the soon to be ex said he wouldn't contestanything or hire an atty. I h hired her as back-up ins. for the mediation questions. Hubbie blew up mediation when he didn't like what he was hearing, and said he was hiring a litigation atty. to have 'the judge make the decisions'. He said the mediator was siding with me. ha! The atty he hired was a very bad guy with a bad reputation. I found out later that the mediation atty. I had, use to work for his atty., but she never told me this. I also found out his atty. had no respect for her and would 'squash her like a bug', and I would get nothing. So, I needed to find a new, more agressive litigation atty. I went with a recommendation from a divorce women's non-profit organization. I thought she would be great, but only to find her promising me certain things she would said she would do, but after talking with his atty., she back-pedaled on at least 6 areas. She wouldn't ask for things I wanted her to in court, but told me I had to just let it go. I told her I wanted her to ask the judge for specific items I mentioned and that I wouldn't take no for an answer. She finally asked the judge, and he was perfectly fine with it. She wouldn't agree to me getting a buy out and told me it was a stupid idea. She said no judge would agree to it, and why would the ex even consider it. What was he going to get out of it? I again fought with her to ask the judge. She finally did, and he easily agreed to that too. Why do I have to fight with my own atty to advocate for me in court? It makes no sense. She's charging me through the nose for things like me having to keep email'ing her because she won't answer my email questions, but does charge me to read them. Our phone calls go on for one and two hours with her yapping and yapping and when I try to interrupt her to say something, she tells me to just stop and wait. !!! My husband got into it with his atty., so he pushed him off to his associate. My atty. likes this new atty, Lots! I'm wondering what's going on there... She agrees with her on all kinds of stuff that doesn't benefit me at all. She keeps telling me we have to think about what the ex wants, blah, blah,blah. I asked her what about me and my needs?! I told her I didn't think she was advocating for me. All this did was **** her off more at me! She told me if I didn't think she was working for me, that I should find a different atty., because we were now getting to the point where it will cost lots to change attorneys and the closer we get to a trial, the less likelyhood I can change. I told her I agreed that if she wasn't doing her job, that I should find another atty. For awhile it got better with her, and I felt she was fighting for me. But she then goes back to renigging on what she said she would do for me and keeps charging me for all the work I had to do for my husband because he wouldn't talk to his atty or supply what the judge needs, because he doesn't want to pay her. My bills are up in the $50K plus range. I cannot afford it! I feel like I'm stuck in a cage with no recourse or no place to go for help. Supposedly the husband had finally agreed to much the atty.'s negotiated for me, so my atty. told me (and now I'm even wondering if that was true), but the other day he reneged on everything. My atty. was ****** and it now looks like we're going to trial. I really truly want to fire her and find someone who has my back All the Way, but I don't think I can any longer. It's too close to a trial, and I don't know of any good attorneys that will really do their job. I have had horrible experiences with all attorneys I've used so far. I was told if I changed again, it would look bad for me in court. I don't know what else to do but be stuck with this narcissist atty. and have to continue to fight with her as well as the ex.... Suggestions?? :( I'm really praying for an answer out there! Is your attorney any good and could he take on a case like mine at this stage of the game?