I just recently went through a bad separation with my ex. We were together for 15 years and have a 10 year son together. He left us for someone else. He has been inconsistent in my sons life since and drug use is suspected. It only happened a few weeks ago but he is constantly disappointing my son. He doesn't come home when he is supposed to, when he does come home he goes back earlier. He calls every day while he is working but when he is with her the calls are inconsistent and this just upsets him.
He went back 3 days earlier than he was supposed to and since then my son has been extremely upset crying, angry refusing to talk to him. He has refused to talk to him the last 4 days. I really do want him to have a relationship with his dad but I don't want to force him to talk to his dad if he doesn't want to either. Today I returned to work and he talked to his dad, this makes me look bad as if I was the one who prevented him from talking to him. I have made it clear to my son I do not care if he talks to his dad I have actually suggested it. His dad has been known to put me down when he is with my son so not sure if this may have something to do with it. I just understand why he would do this. I have never put him in the position where he would have to choose. I have even contacted psychologist to see if how I should deal with him not talking to his dad. Anyone have any advice?
Kaycee: I'm going through a similar situation with my 12 yr old daughter. Her father and I were married 16 years and there has been drug use and infidelity. At first our daughter wanted to spend all her time over at what was once our family home, until the woman he was cheating on me with moved in and she finally saw first hand what was really going on the whole time. She continued to have a relationship with him although it was strained. It was't until this recent relapse and recovery that she has chosen to not answer his text messages, phone calls, or go to his house. I'm done making excuses for his behavior and although I don't talk bad about him or his girlfriend I will NOT FORCE her to have a relationship with ANYONE that she feels is toxic to her mental well being. I'm here for her if and when she chooses to talk but I don't force that either. My advice to you is to NOT force him to have contact with his father if his father has disappointed him time and time agin. To remain the one parent that he knows will remain a constant in his life and to help him navigate his feelings. We as parents know that our children are not the cause of the divorce and can tell our children day in and day out that they are not the cause, but they still feel like they could be the cause. We need to let our children have their time to grieve the death of THEIR family and as long as they don't do it in a destructive way then just be there to listen and console. Keep up the good work Momma, eventually your son will find his way, just don't force it. God Bless you and your son.