i am new to this and i have being in a bad custody for over two years. it is very hard to talk about and very painful. it would be too much to write here
and i am afraid talking about it. will dig up a lot of bad moments. and make me upset.
he and his family have put me through hell.

I think you have to talk to someone, it's not healthy to keep things bottled up and sometimes it makes you feel worse, especially by over thinking.