Since 2016, he decided that he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce after 30 years marriage. He blamed me for everything under the sun (saying I never supported his interests, accused me of not sharing the household chores equitably including cooking dinners, etc.) He made living with him emotionally toxic and began being secretive with his outings and lied about his whereabouts, etc. He also wouldn't let me see his phone when I suspected he was texting someone. After he stated that he wanted a divorce, I filed in September 2017 and moved out, but he then convinced me that he wanted to stay together and begged me to return. From the first day I returned he again began going out every evening, coming home late from work. We have not been intimate in almost a year.. not even a kiss.. he is apparently very miserable in my presence. I have also caught him in more lies since I returned. So last week I gave him the ultimatum.. either he wants to end us via a divorce or he tries to actively work on reconciliation. He chose divorce, so I went to an attorney, filed and paid a hefty non-refundable retainer and found a nice apartment that I can move into next month. After a couple of days (he was aware I filed and was aware that he was going to get served that week) he quickly returns to his old happy, joking self (pre 2016) and wants me back. He is almost smothering me with his attempts at affection (I am rejecting his physical affection, i.e., sex and kisses). He says that the fact that I filed has made him realize how much I mean to him. but I need to remember he did the same thing before (when I met with an attorney to file). any advice?
I’m in a similar situation. Next month we would have been married for 10yrs but together for 15. Our relationship has always been rocky and have threaten for him to change or we will divorce. We act like cohabs for a year no intimacy or even a kiss. I decide to file for divorce after we fade even further away and he doesn’t show me a text from a “friend”. He doesn’t want a divorce and says he realizes what he had. I love him but I’m absolutely worried that he will do exactly what you are going thru.
I ask myself all the time, when will I learn. How do I expect him to change if I keep forgiving him.
Hi Bella,
so sorry to hear that you too are going through a similar situation. I'm one who is always in favor of second chances, which I gave him last year, but he blew it. So this is a 3rd chance... for 30 years he was the perfect, loving husband who was very attentive to me. It is the last two years that he is acting like a defiant teen... I am so unsure as to what to do.
Ladies, the pattern you describe is typical of a husband who is having an affair. They want to be free to see other women. And at the same time, if convenient, continue living together.
Do yourself a favor, dump them. You know you won't regret it!
It's sad to see how men can manipulate us so easily and we always fall for their empty promises. They will cheat again and again! Their behaviors towards us tell us they're miserable with us! Why in the world would they stay?!!
Sorri I’m sending a test cause I dont want to write a story if it doesn’t go thru. Other wise I hav3 a man boy of over 30 years who it the past 2 years has has multi affairs