My husband and I have a 19 year relationship. We met when we were 12 and 14. We dated all through highschool until I decided that my senior year was going to end without him in tow. He graduated 2 years prior. Did not attend college or any kind of extended education. Didn't have a job or car and seemed to only want to sit at his brothers and smoke Marijuana. This was not how I saw life. In the 6 years after, I received my bachelor's degree, bought a starter home, had a full time job and began life. He was engaged, did have a job and vocational training in electrical, and had a daughter. Seemed to be doing very well. Our paths crossed one day and the rest is history. We married 2 years later and now have a daughter together. I am also raising his daughter as her mother is a heroin addict and has no custody. Since our 3 year old has been born he has swirled back to his old habits of being layed off, being arrested 3 times for possession,smoking marijuana, and now I've learned other drugs although I have no proof. In May this year I told him I wanted to separate and that he needed to figure out how to fix his problems. Now let me say this, I tried desperately to get him to go to outpatient rehab. See a Dr for his depression/self medicating problems. I carry great insurance on our family as I work for a hospital and yet he always had an excuse. He could get better on his own. He didn't have a problem. He wouldn't be able to work. When he finally realized I was serious, he started acting crazy. He stalked me, harrassed me in the middle of the night, stole things from my house, pulled the disconnect breaker from my air conditioning unit, had me followed or tracked me, broke into my cell phone account and my Google account, then ultimately on two occasions, he assaulted me at my home with our children present. I have a lawyer and he was arrested and held for 5 days for domestic abuse battery child endangerment. Since then he's said he is a changed person and thanked me for having him arrested. He's said he will do anything to get his family back. We have a very long history and I do believe all these situations were the result of drug induced psychosis from Crystal meth. I still want the divorce. My mind hasn't swayed from that. But I really want to believe he can and will do what's right. Not for me, for his daughters that adore him. What I want to know, is how do i cope with this? I do still love him madly. But I don't know how to deal with him in terms of keeping his spirits high without leading him to think i will be here waiting. Maybe our relationship will work out but I'm in no way swaying my decision on the divorce. I want him to prove he can make a life for his daughters. Without me fixing his battles for him.