Hi ladies,

I've been in the struggle for 18 months now and I've finally pulled my head out of the sand. I'm here for support, advice or even just some encouragement that one day this will be a bad dream. Here's my story for anyone who will listen.

I met my soon to be ex husband 10 years ago when I was 19 (he was 30) fell pregnant, got married. Oh hind site! He was always controlling, negative, domineering and had issues from the start but I thought I was in love and trusted him. (Sorry dry reaching over here)

March 2017 there our house was destroyed by a cyclone, we left the house for the cyclone and never went home. During this time I discovered my ex husband had a massive cociane problem when someone he scored off called me and demanded $3000 that was owed to him. I work as a real estate agent and thats how they got my number. I was absolutely mortified.

Then I tried to figure out how he had been affording this charming habit without me knowing so before I confronted him I did some digging. We were struggling financially at that time. Turns out - He and his parents have an earth moving business together and the mother had been slipping him cash and even been putting pays into a secret account for 3 years!!! that had up to 20k in it at a time. Total mummy's boy and always will be. I remember one day we were so broke and my car was on empty I told my husband (who had $100 bills in his wallet but our joint account was overdrawn) that I need some money for petrol to get through the work day. He picked 50c pieces and change from around the house and gave me $10 and said that was my money. I didn't see my family for 10 years because "we just couldn't afford it" I hardly got to see my girlfriends because "we couldn't afford it". We saw his family twice a week and they told my I was like a daughter and they loved me while the whole time they were all deceiving me.

So finally I confronted him and he started spinning his web of lies, blaming me. The day I left he drained all our accounts and left us with nothing. Threatened to come and cut of one of my breast implants if I didn't give him $6000. The threats, bullying, manipulating everyone around me and trying to ruin my reputation as a real estate agent has been astounding...

I tried to get a solicitor but it ended up costing me $2000 and all he did was play games and constantly call and email them to rack up my bill.

We share our son 50/50 and he idolises his father. He has not paid school fees, bought clothes or had his hair cut since we split. Lately he has been threatening not to return him, and threatening to change his schools etc while i'm away and started using him as a tool.

Our son started crying over a Christmas movie the other night "Home alone" because at the end of the movie that family gets to be together and his never will. He is having major bowel issues even at school and I truly believe it's coming from stress and anxiety. I have no idea or control over whats been said or done during his fathers week and its so gutting. He's just a little boy and is innocent - I feel like i'm failing him..

We sold our house and made a $180,000 profit which is sitting in our solicitors trust. My ex husband wants more than 50% and now that money is involved he is getting nastier and dirtier than ever. I can't afford a solicitor and I know this man will never mediate so it has to be me that takes the action.

Can anyone share with me some advice or experience. I need to start making some steps for mine and my sons health. I really don't know where to start and the legal system seems so long & confusing - I'm overwhelmed.

This divorce is draining my energy - Taking my focus away from my career & being paid commission only is extremely stressful, if I don't perform I don't get paid.

Thanks for listening - Sorry for the word vomit.

Regards,

Stephanie

You can get a court order insisting the two of you communicate through talking parents an online service that records your messages. Any threats can be brought before a judge.

Oh, Stephanie! How I weep (yes, literally) to read your story!! My son (7 yrs old) is also having bowel issues, I'm sure also related to the anxiety. And I also cringe at the upcoming holiday season and all its media of happy families hugging each other. That's just not the story for women like you and me, now. But, families can look like all kinds of things, and that's okay.

So, drugs. I'd say that's your leverage. My soon-to-be ex is also a narcissist with a secret bank account, but even though he has left weapons out unsecured, my lawyer pointed to a list of things that can really limit his time, and that wasn't quite good enough. It can be mitigated (and indeed has, in part thanks to me... all guns are out of the house (though of course he could have an arsenal in his car or wherever else)). Anyway, drugs seems much more tangible, and was on the list of horrible things that can really give a person leverage. So, since that is something that #1) can be tested for, and #2) a court can order treatment for, and #3) could likely get you more time with your son, I'd say zero in on that.


And now I need to go back to my research on parenting plans. We're still in the drafting phase, but soon-ex wants 50/50, and I'm really not thrilled about it.

Good luck!
~Diana