Hello, I'm new to this forum and haven't been to any support groups but I feel like I need some guidance or suggestions. I was with my ex husband for 31 years and married 22 years. He didn't have any kids. Mine were 9, 7 and just turned 6. He is one of those people that presents well. He's kind and able to talk with anyone. When he's around other kids, he would pick them up and play with them. He seemed the perfect man. When we dated (if you want to call it that) he would ask if I wanted to go to a party and leave me all night, he invited me to a wedding then asked me to pay my share to get there. ( I didn't). We dated for 9 years before he proposed. I found out that he had an affair when he was visiting his family from another state. I found the letter in his briefcase. His plan was to have her and her daughter come for the summer in our state (she was a teacher so had summers off) he would live somewhere else. If it didn't work out, then he'd go back to me. I confronted him on it, told his best friend and his mom. He begged my forgiveness and asked me to marry him. Yes, yes, I know: red flags all over. During our marriage, he had his money, I had mine. I finally got him to agree to add each other as a secondary in case one of us died. He agreed. I never ask nor did he offer to tell me where he spent his money. I could see on his accounts. I saved and remodeled our house. I saved and took us on wonderful vacations. He told me that the kids were mine, so I paid for clothes, school things etc except for food. We split our household expenses. As the years progressed, he would still leave me sitting a table by myself, when I saved for a trip to a Muslim country, I asked to make sure he didn't forget me. Our guide brought us to a place to buy him a beer after we were in a sand storm. I sat choking while he told me he was going to sit and enjoy his beer. He never connected with my kids. They are grown now and can't stand him. He told me they were damaged. I kept seeing him with our friends kids, neighbor kids, family and couldn't believe how differently he treated mine. Last year about this same time, he was driving across country to his family and another state to see another family leaving 3 weeks at a time, coming home for a few days then leaving again. My water heater, gas fireplace (which heats our house), the porch was falling apart, my car, the washer and dryer, the stove (I'm probably missing something) but they all fell apart in a 3 week period. I was working full time and he was on disability so he wasn't working. The last time he left, the stove was in the middle of the kitchen because we needed to change the outlet and cut the granite for it to fit, the washer and dryer were out because they didn't fit in the space and multiple boxes of Christmas decorations. He told me, "Sorry to leave while everything is so Fxx up, but oh well!" smiled and left. Then I found out he backed my daughter against the kitchen door and told her that he wanted to kill her, he took all his clothes and all my money I had from a line of credit ($10,000). I sat numb with my head between my hands just paralyzed. I didn't know where he was for 3 days. Then he sends me some pictures of some fire damage. I responded that I got a restraining order and want a divorce. We seemed like the perfect couple. I always was smiling. Now I'm getting responses like why would I do that? My ex was so nice! I have even heard from some of his friends that we were both friends with telling me how they cried when they heard that I wanted a divorce. I don't know what to say. I just tell them that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. No one saw my ex the way he was. I would take pictures of him helping when we remodeled, or played with kids. It was all a farce. Would do you say? I really want people to know he wasn't that wonderful person that was just an appearance. There wasn't a provider, protector or a supporter. I have been alone for all these years. If anyone has something similar and has learned to adjust, please let me know. Thank you