Quick run down.. married almost 5 years.. been a nightmare of fights and me leaving.. No sex for a year.. I was gone from October 6 until Dec 20.. I was brutally assualted on Dec 15 by a stranger when I was with some conworkers.. he had been begging me to come home I did on Dec 19 only to see and he told me he was seeing someone else and to file.. he had plenty of chances to do so tells me too but also says we are done he’s on the couch we barely speak but still uses my toothbrush got naked in front of me yesterday and caught him with a quilt that is mine and only mine..As far as I know he’s seen the girl once their talking on the phone has slowed way down and he is attached to the couch except when he goes to work... I’ve thought I’ve hated him and yes I’ve cheated but the thoughts of now not having him makes my heartache.. My papers are done and with the assault I’ve been to the courthouse plenty but can’t bring myself to file... someone please tell me what they think about what he is doing or maybe some insight on what he might want.. I know I’m nuts but WHY do I still love this man?
I am so sorry about your assault first of all. I hope you are okay.
Some of what you are going through reminds me of my ex-husband. Towards the end we had a sexless marriage and he played games as well. That is what your significant other is doing to your right now by begging you to come home only to tell you to file and then using your toothbrush, quilt, and getting naked in front of you. He may also being doing this to be vengeful since you were unfaithful to him.
The only way to find out what he truly wants is by asking him. If he refuses to tell you or tells you there is no chance of reconciliation and moving on to have a healthy relationship, then sadly you will have to figure out a plan for yourself and file. If he says he needs time to think or space, it is up to you if you want to wait. If you do give him space, you just have to prepare yourself in case he says he doesn't want to be married anymore.
You love him because you still love the person you first married and it hard to admit that that person no longer exists. Also, there is always the shock factor as none of us get married ever thinking we are going to be in this position.