Looking for advice.
I've already posted asking about not sure being done with my marriage of 15 years. I realized I was not done and tried talking to my husband who shut me down right away.
We have been separated since September and he has been living in the basement since then. We have not talked face to face since then other than a couple times. We have communicated a little through text and email.
We have 2 children.
Im trying to move on and forget about him and our marriage but I am really struggling. I get to a point where I am excited to move on and start fresh but then start feeling like I really dont want to move on. I have asked him numerous times to talk about what our next steps are moving forward, re: selling house, custody, support etc. And he refuses to talk. I'm finding it very confusing. He says he is done and is ready to move out when it's good for the kids and good financially but refuses to talk!
I feel like he may be trying to control the situation or maybe he is having second thoughts but his actions of going out often lead me to believe he has no interest in a future with me.
There is so much more to our story but dont want to babble on about it.
I have recently sent him an email telling him again how I feel and how i feel we got to where we are...we have never been good at communicating. I have also let him know that him not wanting to talk about how we proceed is very confusing and misleading. He hasn't responded to my email.
I dont know how long i should wait before going to speak with him face to face and not giving him a choice but to talk or at least listen. I also dont know how to start the conversation, like I said we have never been good at communicating.
It was as if I was reading my journal. Your situation is exactly mine to the T. I’m very depressed about the whole thing and would like to see what others think. I can’t stop crying and am so confused to why. My thoughts are that he is done and doesn’t want to address it by ignore it. How can he love ad care about me if his actions show other wise. I’ve filed for divorce because he is doing just fine without me and seeing me hurt
Patsy: Advice from a divorced woman: You get a Lawyer and he gets one, too, and they talk to each other - that is generally how it goes. My ex stalled because of money issues. Your soon-to-be-ex is probably living in the basement because he knows he will soon have to pay child support. He may be saving money and/or doing other things financially improperly/hiding down in the basement so to speak. Family Lawyers are best when kids are concerned. I am thinking he doesn't pay rent down in that basement/is saving. Best wishes.
I appreciate your reply Lara. I'm pretty sure it's not money related. He makes more money than me and we still share our accounts and both of our money pays the bill's.
I think this is a control thing. I am convinced he has narcissistic tenandancies and perhaps dealing with a midlife crisis. Of course this is me overthinking ever aspect of our life but I truly believe this is what is going on.
Bel, I'm sorry you are going through this as well. It is definitely the hardest and saddest thing I have ever had to deal with.
I'm going to attempt talking to him one last time face to face which I am certain is going to go nowhere at which time I will let him know I will be speaking to a lawyer.
I have actually already spoken to a lawyer and it was suggested by them that I sit down and talk to him about what we can work out together.