My six year old daughter is crying often and saying she wants to live with me. She says she misses me too much, and she’s lived with her daddy long enough. We have joint legal but he has primary physical because I had to move states and she started pre-k with him. She’s gone to school with him ever since. I get most holidays and school breaks. We agreed years ago that when she was old enough to talk about a preference we would let her decide. He now says she’s too young. I say why not give it a try, her living with me, and if she ends up missing you too much, I’d send her back. And she will have learned that missing the less seen parent is inevitable. But she may stay happy with the arrangement for years and I think he fears that though he won’t admit it. He just says I need to work on moving closer to her. I’m trying to get established in a very good job I’ve had for less than a year.
However, I feel in my gut that she is feeling a need for me. A need unmet by her father or step-mother. I also sense that there might be conflict between her and her new step-mother. My daughter and I are close. I tell him what’s the harm in trying out a new arrangement. He claims it would do harm, though he says he sees no flaw in my parenting or living environment.
He says she has no say until she is 13. He wants to come up with something together that we’ll both tell her when she brings this up. I worry that what he will want me to say will be something I do not agree with. I don’t think we should ignore what she’s telling us. If the shoe was on the other foot I would not keep her from going to her father. I’ve always sought harmony out of her best interest. I feel now that he is being mostly selfish.
I divorced him because he was extremely controlling. He seems to not have changed much. She feels unheard and sad.
What can I do? This came up organically. I did not encourage it. I’ve always told her that her daddy and I love her equally.