So 11 years ago i meet my now husband soon to be ex-husband ,we where in love and had the best relationship ,we where enjoying all the fun and hard working ,toghethe we achieve a lot of staff and memories .
About 4 years ago i got sick i was diagnose with rheumatoid arthritis i was going thru a lot of pain and my husband was there for me most of the time
when we where like 2-3 years in relation we decide to check why i am not getting pregnant so we start check ups and after a lot of check ups doctor said that i am ok and he is ok too and there is no explanation why i am not getting pregnant and after that we stop for a while to think about kids and live our life
about a year ago my husband had an affair that i discover this past September ,was the worst time of my life ,my world was crushed ,after a lot of talking and crying i decided to give our marriage a second chance just for in 2 month my husband told me that he need time to think about what he wants and that he was feeling very guilty about affair and that he make me suffer and he broke the trust ,so he move out and come back after a week and said that he miss home ,i said OK and after 3 weeks after i insisted that we talk about what is going on he said that he is not having feeling for me and the best will be to separate
i told him to wait till my dad leave (my dad is visiting for 4 month i just don't want him to know for now what is going on i will have to tell them later when i will deal with it
apparently my husband now wants kids and at the moment i cant have them because of my medication and he want them now and when i was ok and wanted to have kids it was too expensive to go to doctors and deal with fertility treatments and always put his obsessions for cars first and now i am to blame that we don't have kids
i am in a very bad place emotionally i need support but i don't want to talk to anyone close to me `how deal with all this suffering and disappointment ,how d i go on with my life ?