My 9 yr old is continually coming home upset. This weekend she was not fed dinner Friday or breakfast Saturday before her basketball game. She is never showered, does not brush hair and is usually wearing same clothes she's sent in on Friday evening. She claims she's constantly being yelled at and the other kids will get "treats" and she will not because the stepmother will just not bring her any. We have no visitation schedule, he is not on her birth certificate(due to his threats and a young me not knowing what else to do). I agreed to every other weekend so she could spend time with him and attempt to build a relationship but they treat my child like crap. I have spoke with him about this calmly with no change. Am i required to make her visit him, if she is not being cared for and there's no visitation by court ordered?

Was there a court order granting him any right to your child? If no, first of all you mention that your ex's name isnt on your child's birth certificate. Thus I would presume that he doesn't have any legal right to your child, neither the custody nor the visitation right. Because he is just no one to your child legally. If he wants the visitation(parenting time), then he needs to go to the court to file a petition to establish paternity between he and your child and asks the court to grant him the custody/visitation. Then you two can work out a parenting plan and send it to the court together. If he doesn't follow the parenting plan then it would be deemed as a contempt to the court and you can charge him. For now I don't think he can ask you or your child to do anything( like to force the child to go out with him). And once the paternity is established, you can also ask him to pay the child support through the child support enforcement.

Good luck