I am broken. I've been with my husband since I was 17,nearly 32 years. We have been married 27 years and have three amazing daughters in their early 20's. We had the marriage that everyone envied, he was my best friend. In the last year I've had to have both my knees replaced, been diagnosed with diabetes and kidney disease, yet he is the one having a midlife crisis. Four months ago, with no warning, he told me he wanted to end our marriage because he's not happy and he wants freedom to see what he's been missing out on having been married so long. We went to counseling until he told me he had been lying to the counselor about wanting to work things out. Our daughters are devastated, questioning their own relationships and the institution of marriage that they had always believed in. They are hurt and angry, barely speaking to their dad but trying their best to support and console me. I now know that I need to move forward with divorce but I feel so alone. I've never lived alone, I've never managed the finances, I barely have computer skills because I've been a nurse for almost 30 years and didn't need to use them other than work related stuff. I'm so sad and can't stop crying, and I'm terrified of the future. I live in a small town with no support groups in the area and I just don't know how to begin to get through this. I guess I'm just looking for advice from anyone who has gone through this after a long marriage and any advice on helping adult children recover. Thanks.

Janet: My ex left after 21 yrs. of marriage when I was in my late 40s. Our daughter was 18. I got a good Family/Divorce Lawyer. I told our daughter to just enjoy her life and to not get wrapped up in ours. I wish my parents had said the same to me. I was used by my mom at 19 who is an alcoholic and who later went on to remarry - an alcoholic - long story. There is a lot at stake in a long marriage like retirement, Social Security, the house (if you own one) and who is going to pay for college if you have kids going. You need a good Lawyer ASAP and remember every e-mail, phone call, court time and face-to-face meeting with them you will be charged for so make it important when contacting them. Sometimes the first meeting/consultation is free. I got the house and he got his retirement (MA is a 50/50 State). Our daughter had a college fund from her grandparents so college was not an issue, but since she was a full-time college student he tried to get custody and lost - just moved out and got a girlfriend. Your husband may also have/be getting a girlfriend. Stay in your home if you can afford to and if he is not abusive. If you move out of a home you own, it gives your spouse the upper hand in the divorce. Best wishes.

Thank you for your insight, Lara. I have met a lawyer and will be sending in the retainer tomorrow even though I don't want to divorce. He has given up and now I need to protect my future. My girls are having such a hard time because he was superdad and we had a tightknit and fun loving family up until this started in September. We are both staying in our home (he's sleeping in the basement) for now but it's emotionally difficult with all of the hurt feelings. Our state is also no-fault so everything should be 50/50. I'm just getting started in the legal part of the process and dreading it so much...

As for encouragement: I know it may not seem possible st this moment... but the sun will keep rising, roosters will continue to crow and you will get thru this time.
As for advice:
I was married 23 yrs, stay at home mom, homeschooled my children and children’s activities. I decided that it was unhealthy for me/children to remain married - living in an emotionally/physically abusive home.
I felt sorry for him and didn’t ask for my share of anything. Minimumal alimony for 5 yrs.

1.) Make all decisions on business and not a personal level
2.) Don’t leave the home or lose possession of anything that you expect to ever see again
3.) Understand everything that you need to ask for when and Don’t assume your lawyer is going to naturally list what you shove doing
3a.) Proceed to Request support (temp child/spousal) until your divorce is executed.
4.) Really interview your lawyer. Follow your gut!
5.) Reach out to your friends and let the ones you select know. Keep this part of your life
6.) Understand that the Perfectly sweet, meek & kind husbands DO turn into someone you couldn’t imagine before. Money changes people. Don’t assume he is going to give you this/that. If it isn’t in writing get it in writing

Take it from me, I was kind, giving, trusting. I had a disconnect lawyer that didn’t warn me or give me options. I walked out with an air mattress and a suitcase- thinking I would get it at the divorce settlement. This first 9 months of my post divorce life was as expected- then I received a notification that he would be requesting child support in the amount of 800.00. I could have prevented that and I completely UNDERESTIMATED the person I thought I knew.

Don’t follow in my steps. You will be ok.

You will make it,my story is almost exactly like yours. Mine was having a 5yr affair with his fitness coach. Now my 29yr son won't talk to me. Said I need to move on because I wanted to leave the marriage anyway.Yes 30 some years never leave your mind or heart but pray,work,and fitness have helped. My ex was cruel in court. But I know I'm a good person.Its almost 1 yr to date divorced but I keep crying n moving forward. You are strong,do good things for yourself daily.You will make it!

Broken at 50
I was reading your story and saying to myself that’s my story. I was married for 29 years. My divorce was very nasty and he was a very calculating manipulating person. The person I loved and married no long exist.
You need a good lawyer and no matter how it hurts you must think only if yourself because he’s not thinking of you anymore. I’m a preschool teacher with the same abilities as you. I’m looking into finding a new career so I can have health insurance.
Just yesterday I had to pick up bp medicine $180 dollars.
If you ever need to talk I’ll check here every day. Remember it’s a process and a roller coaster of emotions.

I hadn't checked in here in a while, mainly due to being in denial about my situation and not wanting to think about or talk about divorce. Had a rough night tonight and I'm really glad I checked in and I'm so thankful for supportive comments and advice from people who understand how I'm feeling. I'm trying to keep busy and I found an 8 hour divorce seminar that I will be attending this weekend. I never thought I'd be looking forward to something like that but there is something to be said for commiserating with others and I'm still smart enough to know that knowledge is power. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.