I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. We have been separated for a year and will be moving forward in the divorce process in March. I am so drained emotionally. I didn't want to divorce but he was so secretive and sneaky. I never knew what was going on in his life because he kept me blocked out. He never talked to me. He then started rejected me sexually, sleeping in the den. I couldn't take it anymore and asked him to leave. I think he treated me badly so I would end it and it wouldn't be his fault. He refused any suggestions of getting counseling and getting back together. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling because everyone feels like I need to get past it. I am being invited to "everything" under the sun to "get me out of the house". I really don't want to go to anything. I'm still fighting tears almost daily because I feel like the life I knew is over. I really really enjoyed being a wife and being a mother and having this family that's now divided. I see my ex often, hear from him often. I feel like I need space but I hate the space when I do get it. I don't want to be back with him but I do want "my marriage" if that makes since to anyone. I know he treated me badly but I'm afraid of the impact financially on my life. I'm afraid of never finding someone new. I'm afraid of being alone. I know there is nothing wrong with being single....but I really don't want to be single. I feel so alone in this new world. I'm angry that he didn't even want to try and fix it. I'm angry that he shut me out of his life. I'm angry that he walks in my world when ever he feel like it but he never allow me in his world. I want to get over this...I want to stop hurting. The more I go out with friends, the more I try to move forward the more alone I feel.

I can truly relate emotional roller coaster. You have to keep fighting through the pain and get out. I hate going out myself because I was used to being out with my husband. Now the only thing I do is go to work and come home to my little yorkie which is my company. I don’t have many friends and most are married which now makes me feel like a third wheel. But don’t stop trying to force yourself to do something on the weekend if it’s nothing but window shop.

Thanks for the support! I'm just so tired of feeling this hurt. I wish could move on.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Its been 4 years and I still grieve for the man i used to know. Hes getting remarried this year and it makes it worse. But when i think about it, i dont love who he is anymore, but I certainly love the person i married. I love the life I was promised. I love the family i had. I grieve for the life i missed out on. But we cant do that to ourselves. I can't promise it ever goes away, but it does get better.i wish you all the best.

Val it seems men try to move on to the next relationship with out dealing with the grieving process. They Find themselves still not as happy as they think they will be if they don’t address what went wrong in the first marriage.
I can’t imagine my ex being with another woman. I’m so sorry you have to experience so much pain in the process of trying to move forward.

That's exactly how I feel. I don't know this new person but I miss the husband I married and the life we had. I'm angry with him because he changed his mind he wanted something different he didn't fight for us but I'm the one stuck loving him or who he use to be and it doesn't seem fair.

I know how you feel. My husband asked for a chance after a affair. He said we have to work hard and I just didn't see it from him. I've asked him for a divorce and he didn't fight for me. It sucks and I am so trying to move on.

I am just now going thru a “separation”, maybe it’s just me, who knows. I love my husband, maybe i am a broken peron who couldn’t show that properly. 12 years of little ups and downs, nothing major, no infidelity or any of those big reasons, just life getting in the way. Working different shifts, taking care of kids and such and suddenly it is all supposed to end. Move out, move on, how? Didn’t treat me horrible we just had a unique to us thing. Now i sit here with no support of friends, just my parents. So I understand it feels like no one knows what you are going thru. I am trying to keep it all together but failing miserably, sad every day just at the thought of starting out all over again at 40 with a 12 year old, being the bread winner. I see the stories all the time and know it can be done but don’t know how to pool my strength to do it

I know it’s hard. I can relate to your statement of missing being a wife and mother. Now we have to try and find that woman inside of us before marriage. I’m trying to figure out who I am now and what makes me happy. The things that made me happy like my children and husband are no longer. The children are grown and the husband wanted out and moved on.....
I’m working hard in learning to depend on Myself and God. I still question why he allowed this to happen to me even though he knew how important my family is to me.
Why would he allow me to hurt and suffer in so much pain. I’m still waiting on the answer to that question.

My

I'm right there with you. One day we'll get over this

I know the feeling, I am going through this right now and its killing me. I cry everytime I think what I have to do to get on with myself. I cry even when I am taking a walk. I cry when he gets home and doesn't say the things he used to but walks in and says nothing. I cry when I look at our belongings on what I have to sell and downsize. I cry how when I finally have to move because we are not signing a new lease with what I have left fitting in a small u-haul. I cry cause when I leaving with no job and finances moving in with my daughter and becoming the 3rd wheel in their relationship. I struggle with getting a new job for over a year now because of my age and being let go from my last job. I cry because I don't know if I should stay until the end of our lease or leave as soon as I can. I cry because I want to stay married to him because I love him. I cry because I know he doesn't feel the same. I cry because I feel so unwanted, lonely, and betrayed. I cry because he said he is not attractive to me anymore. I feel so ugly now. I cry because he wants a different future without me.

i remind myself that He has plans to give me hope and a future

I think the healing may start when we can learn to appreciate ourselves for the women we are. We all have amazing qualities and we have lived in these relationships that have wrecked our spirit. We have to remind ourselves that we are worthy of better than this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I'm filing for divorce and waiting for my husband to move out and there is nothing but silence in my home. I just realized that he put an deposit down for a new place for himself, and I literally almost had an anxiety attack just now. That's how I ended up here just now. It's like an addict, "One Day At A Time" and in those days, keep a list close by you, hand written, detailing every ****ty thing he did to you and every ****ty thing he said. It will help you get passed the moment. There is a book that my high school teacher gave to me one day. It's called "Your Erroneous Zones". He knew I had self esteem issues, and I'm telling you, every line in this book will make you feel better about your self.